2005 Darwin awards

By vincent
in Jokes & Funny Stuff

 Share

Recommended Posts

Grand Master

vincent

Posted
Posted

The 2005 Darwin Awards

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin

Awards, here they are. These awards are given annually to the

remains, or estate of that individual, who through single-minded

self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from

the human gene pool.

5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Angelo, California man who died

when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while

riding down the slope on a foam pad. 22-year old David Hubal was

pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred

about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and

his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and

undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike

Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to

protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the

pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It

has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the

one with its pad removed.

4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being

disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call

the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and

walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of

the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat

where it had choked him to death.

3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot

a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed

instantly when it fell on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West

Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year...remember

him?--a man in Arkansas who used a 22 cal. bullet to replace the fuse

in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit

down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and

tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a

prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.

"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying

to explode it. It wouldn't go off and this guy said "I'll show you

how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew

all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer

was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial

injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical

Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that,"

Payne said.

1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an

Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be

alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25,

lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's

rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid

Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to

shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right

eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left,

a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died

instantly. Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University

Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10inches of

brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow

managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had

Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have

killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends

had been drinking that afternoon (geez--you think!!). Said Roberts,

"I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the

Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt

is under investigation.

Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:

(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins,

of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica

concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but

having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to

"hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled

their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.

Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the

fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late)

Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the

fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through

a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm)

by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the

tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him.

Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his

pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself

from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes.

The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the

protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To

make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife penetrated his

thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,

threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to

the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken

haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence

landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the

crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and

dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the

truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a

holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts

dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

Congratulations, gentlemen. You win. And some more idiots have

been removed from the gene pool!

Link to comment
https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/414407-2005-darwin-awards/
Share on other sites
Rising Star

clide

Posted
Posted (edited)

First runner up didn't die or elimate himself from the gene pool. How did he get on the list?

I was wondering that too, same with the second runner up. Maybe they consider a disfigured face as being remove from the gene pool?

Edit: Got a source for these? I don't see them on the Darwin Awards site http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/index_darwin2005.html

Edited by clide
Collaborator

Chlorpromazine

Posted
Posted

[...] Got a source for these? I don't see them on the Darwin Awards site http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/index_darwin2005.html

I think we should reconsider the winner.

(7 March 2005, Vietnam) Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. It was about six centimeters long and eight centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out. Because it was old and rusty, Nguyen said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed.

To prove his point, Nguyen put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the dangling wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle.

Turns out Nyugen was wrong!

The victim had little time to reflect on his mistaken, or whether 220 volts alone could have been fatal. According to police, "the explosion blew out his cheeks and smashed all his teeth." He died on the way to the hospital.

:o

Mentor

Oompa

Posted
Posted

I was wondering that too, same with the second runner up. Maybe they consider a disfigured face as being remove from the gene pool?

Edit: Got a source for these? I don't see them on the Darwin Awards site http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/index_darwin2005.html

I figured the second died because of the explosion in his mouth would've gotten some bone up into the brain. Or maybe because of shock.

This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.