Newcastle United Job

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I woke up earlier,went downstairs and wondered why there was a letter addressed to the chairman of Newcastle United, and knowing my brother he's probably done something ridiculously stupid/funny. So i waited for him to get home, and he emailed me this....i must say, its actually pretty dam funny for him (being 15 and a middlesbrough fan) to even bother doing it, but hey, you never know, he has a few solid points in his argument the board should take into consideration.

RE: Application for Managerial Position at Newcastle United Football Club

Dear Mr Mort,

I am writing with regard to the current managerial vancancy at Newcastle United Football Club. I would be extremely grateful if you could consider my CV in your search for a successor to Sam Allardyce. I really feel this is an ideal job for me given my love for football along with my experiences within the game itself.

I have technical experience of managing a football club. The tactical side of football is very important to me as I feel games can be won and loss on it, this is demonstrated through my success in the game Football Manager 2005. I have manager a variety of clubs including, Middlesbrough, Newcastle United, Oxford United, AC Milan, Chievo, Viborg FF and AZ Alkmaar. My experience at Milan was not particularly successful after being sacked for failing to qualify for the Champions League. However, I have led Middlesbrough, Newcastle and Oxford to premiership success (Oxford took a lot longer but I got there in the end). I managed to win 3 trophies in one season with Newcastle, winning the Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League. It was a very successful season. My experiences on Football Manager 2005 have given me tremendous scouting knowledge, tactical skills and man management skills.

As you can see fro my CV, I only have two qualifications as of yet. This will change in May 2008 though, I am predicted to acheive 12 GCSEs in various subjects. I am taking Geography, Business Studies, French, English, Maths, Science (Double), Statistics, ICT and RE.

Away from Football Manager 2005 I have been awarded a refereeing qualification following an eight week course. I am currently level 8 but once I am 16 I will be a level 7 referee.

As you may have just seen, I am only 15. This is good for you as it means I am able to have a long term commitment to the club, if I were employed I could work with Newcastle United for over 30 years. Look at what Sir Alex Ferguson has done at Manchester United in 20 years, Arsene Wenger in 10 years at Arsenal.

Relocation for me is not a problem as I am young and I can adjust quickly. My family would support me in the transition and would follow me up to "the toon". Another benefit for your glorious football club is that I only need paying ?65,000 a year. Some footballers earn more than that in a week.

I do not have any UEFA coaching badges yet, but Gareth Southgate was given dispensation so who is to say I won't?

I am available for an interview whenever is convienient for you and look forward to hearing from you - my contact deals can be found on my CV (attached).

Yours Sincerely,

Ross Grosvenor

Curriculum Vitae -

Personal Details:





Date of Birth:

Full Driving License: No

Personal Statement:

I am a young, attacking minded, ambitious football manager. I have a vast array of experience mainly on Football Manager 2005. I have managed lower league teams and teams in the highest leagues. Countries I have managed in include, England, Holland, Italy and Denmark.

Career Highlights:

- Signing Fernando Torres at Newcastle United for ?15m. Torres, Martins and Viduka formed part of a three pronged attack.

- Signing Steven Gerrard at Oxford Unite for ?5.5m. Despite the fact he was 32, Gerrard scored in almost every game that season.

- Managing Middlesbrough FC, my hometown club.

Football Manager Highlights:

2004-2009, Manager, Newcastle United.

In my first 2 seasons I made slow progress with the club, but after 3 seasons I broke into the "big 4". In my fourth season I won the League, FA Cup and Champions League. Viduka scored twice in the Champions League final.

2004-2007, Manager, Middlesbrough.

I started slowly with Middlesbrough as I did at Newcastle, this is because I decided to use acadamy players mainly. In my last season, it payed off as I won the league by 10 points.

2004-2010, Manager, Oxford United.

In consecutive seasons I climbed the leagues until I was in the Premier League. I won the FA cup two seasons running, and the League cup two seasons running. I also won the UEFA Cup twice. After two seasons in the Premiership I managed to win the league by 5 points.


2 GCSEs in Science ? and Statistics (B)

Predicted 12 GCSEs in total in Geography, Business Studies, French, English, Maths, Science (Double), Statistics, ICT and RE.


Available on request.

not bad eh? come to think of it, it might be better off in funny stuff/jokes section

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I remember someone doing very similar to this local to me!

The Bognor Regis Town Football Club job was going and someone sent in a screenshot of his Football Manager record of like 6 CL titles and 4 EPL titles and he was actually contacted back saying thanks for the letter but your not the right candidate.

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I remember when Gerard Houllier was sacked by Liverpool, someone did the same and applied for the Liverpool job and posted it online. The club was nice enough to respond to him, and sent him a signed photo of the squad which was nice.

I hope he gets a response :p

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Congrats on 7000 posts Martyn!

I think me and you should apply with our FM Knowledge it has to count for something :p

So true. It would be like Houllier and Evans, although that never worked to well, but this would!

First off, a nice little bid for Fred...

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