[Joke] The Castaways


Recommended Posts

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -- until the boat sinks. He finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people. No supplies. Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him.

In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

Ed is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on the couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.

"Wow! This woman is amazing," he muses, "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know."

She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing!

"You mean," he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here?"

Link to comment
https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/665994-joke-the-castaways/
Share on other sites

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Posts

    • Nothing is stopping you from continuing with your testing cadence. If updates are released every 2 weeks instead of 4, and you test once every 4 weeks, the exact same amount of patches will still be available for you in those 4 weeks. For example: Before 4th week - patch 1, 2, 3, 4 After 2nd week - patch 1 and 2 4th week - patch 3 and 4 Still the same amount after 4.
    • Everyone else has said it. I'm gonna say it - you don't know what you're talking about. I do. I have two laptops. One work, one personal. I have access to two more laptops - both personal. At home I manually update my personal laptop when I see on Neowin that there is an update - I carry on and only apply the updates when I am ready. My work one only updates when my workplace decides to send it - I carry on and only apply the updates (when they actually arrive, which is usually days after the release) when I switch off the laptop at the end of the day as usual. The two other personal laptops only get updated when I get to it which is rarely - the people who own them carry on using them until I get to it and update them. All of the browsers on all laptops are configured to restore the tabs when launched. Google and Microsoft have changed from 6 weeks to 4, and it looks like it's going to move to 2. None of these changes affect how any of these browsers on the laptops are used. Not one jot. My advice to you is stop panicking whenever you see an update. Just carry on with what you're doing. This even benefits you in a way - from your comment you sound like you don't like the changes or the frivolous new features - great - then carry on as before!
    • AMAZON needs to take total accountability for this.
    • Server Summit had a heap of announcements, ADCS changes are baller.
    • Nice, hope they *finally* fixed the issue with the NTFS driver where the system would completely brick during large file copies using the built in driver. It's been broken for years requiring me to use the older, slower, NTFS-3G FUSE driver.
  • Recent Achievements

    • Week One Done
      Jeroen Wilms earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • Week One Done
      rolfus earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • One Month Later
      Leroy Jethro Gibbs earned a badge
      One Month Later
    • Conversation Starter
      flexorcist earned a badge
      Conversation Starter
    • One Month Later
      AndreaB earned a badge
      One Month Later
  • Popular Contributors

    1. 1
      +primortal
      508
    2. 2
      +Edouard
      197
    3. 3
      PsYcHoKiLLa
      138
    4. 4
      ATLien_0
      90
    5. 5
      Steven P.
      80
  • Tell a friend

    Love Neowin? Tell a friend!