[Joke] Things that make you go hmmm

By jnelsoninjax
in Jokes & Funny Stuff

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Grand Master

jnelsoninjax

Posted
Posted

1. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

3. Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?

4. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

5. How do a fool and his money GET together?

6. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?

7. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

8. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?

9. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

10. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

14. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

15. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

16. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

17. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

18. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

19. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

20. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?

21. How come there aren't B batteries?

22. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?

23. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?

24. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

25. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

26. How is it possible to have a civil war?

27. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

28. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

29. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

30. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

31. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

32. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

33. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

34. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?

35. How do you throw away a garbage can?

36. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

37. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

38. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

39. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

40. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

41. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

42. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

43. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

44. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

45. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

46. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

47. Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

48. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?

49. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

50. What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

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Grand Master

primexx

Posted
Posted
1. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

equivocation

2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

probably

3. Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?

yes

4. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

equivocation

5. How do a fool and his money GET together?

don't get this

6. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?

it does??

7. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

equivocation

8. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?

equivocation

9. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

false premise

10. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

invalid reasoning

11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

false premise

12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

"n/a"

13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

un-sliced bread

14. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

to charge you "non-sufficient funds" fee on that charge :p

15. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

mass-production, probably

16. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

greed

17. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

nobody, or maybe the courts

18. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

no clue

19. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

equivocation

20. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?

no

21. How come there aren't B batteries?

what are A and C batteries??

22. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?

there's 1000s of old men on bikes

23. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?

probably hammered

24. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

they do?

25. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

the expression didn't exist

26. How is it possible to have a civil war?

equivocation

27. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

who said that??

28. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

equivocation

29. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

equivocation

30. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

arbitary

31. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

equivocation

32. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

equivocation

33. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

they don't

34. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?

it's not

35. How do you throw away a garbage can?

recycling depot, or call the garbage man

36. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

it doesn't

37. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

he has a freaking snow plow!

38. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

whaaat????

39. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

other dictionaries?

40. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

the lights turn on

41. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

what's an 18 hour bra?

42. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

because noah doesn't exist

43. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

they come in all sorts of packaging

44. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

different view/perspective

45. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

dramatic effect

46. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

who cares, they're just expressions

47. Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

equivocation

48. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?

huh?

49. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

no

50. What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

nothing

Grand Master

Fred Derf Veteran

Posted
  • Veteran
Posted

The article was likely referring to the fact that there are AA (and AAA) batteries, there are C-cell batteries and there are D-cell batteries but there are no common B-cell batteries.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_battery_sizes

Grand Master

Reacon

Posted
Posted

-Primexx

Dude, no. This thread is supposed to be about irony, and odd circumstances, it's funny when you think deeper into the alter-meanings of each line. Why does night fall and day breaks? It's an irony, do you not get it or just not have a sense of humour?

Veteran

i_was_here

Posted
Posted
The article was likely referring to the fact that there are AA (and AAA) batteries, there are C-cell batteries and there are D-cell batteries but there are no common B-cell batteries.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_battery_sizes

Yes I know, hence the smiley in my post.

Grand Master

SirEvan

Posted
Posted

Wow... Primexx...you need to get out and learn some more...some of your responses are pretty bad.... you don't know what A and C batteries are? or who said "all the world is a stage"? sheltered.

The article was likely referring to the fact that there are AA (and AAA) batteries, there are C-cell batteries and there are D-cell batteries but there are no common B-cell batteries.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_battery_sizes

There are "A" batteries as well, they are slightly larger than AA batteries. We use them in our RFID tags that we sell.

Grand Master

pyehac

Posted
Posted
6. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?

answer

(and the reason why we have them is to connect the 3 major military installations on the main island)

12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I gotta ask this to my boss - he's of 'shaved head'

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