The 6 Most Retarded Gaming Consoles Ever Released

[+Audioboxer Subscriber²]

For every NES and Sony Playstation, there are countless game systems that just didn't make it. Sometimes it's bad luck, or the marketplace. And other times, it's because their system was completely retarded.

These are the forgotten systems that deserved to be forgotten. Unless the point was to laugh at them, which we shall do now.

#6. Magnavox Odyssey 100 and 200 (1975)

Most gamers remember Pong for getting the whole video game console party started back in 1975. Most do not know that Pong was stolen from an even earlier console, the Magnavox Odyssey (Pong was a ripoff of their Table Tennis game). Magnavox even sued over it, and won.

But nobody bought the Magnavox Odyssey, mostly because a primitive public that was frightened and confused by electronics thought that the Magnavox game console would only work on Magnavox televisions. So Pong utterly dominated the industry instead, delighting an extremely easily entertained nation.

Pong. Note TVs only had three channels back then.

A bitter Magnavox was looking to score some more of that Pong cash that everyone was rolling in. So in 1975 they cranked out two new versions of the Magnavox Odyssey, the 100 and 200.

"Now even more orange!"

Magnavox really wasn't thinking big, and figured that Pong would be the only videogame ever. So they released consoles dedicated to very slight Pong variations, amusingly called things like TENNIS and HOCKEY (the two that were on the Odyssey 100--the 200 model had a third game).

Tennis, football, and hockey. Seriously.

Why you've never heard of it:

To give you an idea of what the technology was like at the time, the Odyssey 200 was not smart enough to keep track of your score. You had to do it yourself, with a manual slider thing (even Pong kept score for you, on-screen). Copyright laws were very loose in the gaming world at the time, and Pong machines pretty much flooded the market. There was no reason to buy this stupid thing that made you keep your own score.

"Finally, something that combines the excitement of tennis with my passion for writing down numbers."

Despite dismal sales, Magnavox kept plugging away, later releasing even more consoles with even more variations of pong (the Odyssey 300 and 400, finally including the amazing innovation of on-screen scoring).

If you're one of those late adopters and would like to get in on the Odyssey 200 fun, you can usually find them on ebay for almost nothing (we found one at ten dollars with zero bids). Hook that **** up to your 72-inch HDTV and you've got yourself a party.

...

Continue reading 5-1: http://www.cracked.com/article_16824_6-mos...r-released.html

I was shocked at 1, didn't even know it existed :o

And people bitch at the consoles we have nowadays like they're actually terrible :laugh:

Thank god we don't rifle through as much guff released in the past!

[SMELTN]

lol pretty good. I forgot about most of these.. and like you I didnt even know #1 existed.

[revvo]

The VirtualBoy should have been on that list, because we all know a red screen strapped to your head = 3D

[+Mystic MVC]

Never heard of #1 but wow that could have really changed the industry.

[beautiful.blood]

I love the vertex

Color screens, seriously?

[Saladas]

hahaha @ #1, Im thankfull im in a modern game consoles era!!

[IceBreakerG]

When I was little, one of my friends had a Nomad. It's pretty cool cuz I could play Batman Returns on it, and i liked that game a lot lol. But yeah, I agree with revvo, the virtual boy should've definitely been on that list.

[HawkMan]

Is the nomad the same as the Game Gear ? though the game gears look different, and had smaller cartridges.

Though it still at batteries, and was pretty cool with a color screen while nintendo only had a low res black and white screen.

[+Audioboxer Subscriber²]

Is the nomad the same as the Game Gear ? though the game gears look different, and had smaller cartridges.

Though it still at batteries, and was pretty cool with a color screen while nintendo only had a low res black and white screen.

No, the Gamegear played games made for it, the Nomad played actual Genesis games.

[rajputwarrior]

i remember the nomad... that thing was stupid...

[revvo]

The gamegear also had 6xAA's, but it lasted at least a few hours. I had one so I used to had rechargeable AA's and almost always used the DC adapter. My friend with his GameBoy's was like "woah, it's in colour!"

[Dev Null Zen]

I loved my Nomad. That thing rocked!!!

[rpgfan]

I've heard of #6 (Magnavox Odyssey/100/200), though it was made a little more than a decade before I was even born... It sounds horrible though.

I actually knew about #1 (Sega Nomad) because I once needed replacement controllers for my Genesis (~5 years ago?), and I ran across the name, which I had never known about. The concept is a great one. It's too bad the experience was horrible. Of course, now you can play PS2 games on the PSP, so I'm sure if the technology we have now was available then, it would have rocked the handheld world.

I'm somewhat familiar with the TurboGrafx, but the SuperGrafx (#2) was a new one to me. The Vectrex (#3) is always in the attic of my mind. I've heard of it, but I don't know anything about it.

#4 and #5 were completely new to me though...

Thanks for posting this! It was a great read!

For those that are curious about the Game Gear's relation to the Genesis, there is none. In fact, the Game Gear is more closely related to the Master System than the Genesis because those two were both 8-bit gaming systems while the Genesis was 16-bit. The only real difference between the GG and the SMS aside from the screen size was the fact that GG supported stereo sound as opposed to the monaural-only sound that SMS supported. It was essentially a non-failing Sega Nomad, except that GG used its own game packaging rather than being able to just pop in a game for the SMS. ^_^

What's hilarious is the fact that Sega had color on a handheld WAY before Nintendo.

I <3 old-skool Sega.

[spenser.d]

Sure, you could order a rechargeable battery pack, for about 80 bucks more ($110 in today's dollars). But strangely enough, after spending the equivalent of $380 on this thing, it still wouldn't blow you. Oh, and the rechargeable battery ran out even faster.

The other people in the library seem to want to know why I was just laughing so hard... :rofl:

-Spenser

[HawkMan]

No, the Gamegear played games made for it, the Nomad played actual Genesis games.

But i't the gamegear also essentially Genesis hardware in a handheld(ie Nomad) except with a better design, and it's own mini cartridges instead of using full size ones. It still played the same games as the genesis, just on other cartridges.

My uncle had a gamegear though, it was neat, though I wasn't much of a sonic man, wich I think was the only gamehe had, that and the tv tuner :)

kind of pointless with a handheld that required you to spend a fortune on batteries or allways be hooked up to power...

[+Audioboxer Subscriber²]

But i't the gamegear also essentially Genesis hardware in a handheld(ie Nomad) except with a better design, and it's own mini cartridges instead of using full size ones. It still played the same games as the genesis, just on other cartridges.

My uncle had a gamegear though, it was neat, though I wasn't much of a sonic man, wich I think was the only gamehe had, that and the tv tuner :)

kind of pointless with a handheld that required you to spend a fortune on batteries or allways be hooked up to power...

Nope HawkMan!

The Gamegear to the Genesis is what the DS is to the Wii.

They run their own proprietary developed games.

Some of the same franchises of the genesis crossed to the game gear, but that happens with every console<->handheld relationship.

The Nomad played ACTUAL Genesis games.

Like taking a PS3 game and physically putting it into a PSP.

[Dark Warhawk]

Can't believe Virtual Boy did not place at all.

[Dc'1]

There's a few on that list I'd never heard of, like most other people here, #1 was one of them lol.

Wow they are s***ty consoles :p

[Al-Mann]

Could you imagine playing the Nomad with the GameGenie attached?

[bobbytomorow]

In ten years time the 360 will top that list as soon as consumers realize that a 33% failure rate is simply not acceptable.

[Corris Veteran]

*cough* Phantom *cough* :p

Well if it was released, but still.

And as for number 1, you wouldn't want to keep that thing away from a power socket, at least portable gaming has advanced enough with batteries for a good few hours.

The problem being now is that batteries don't seem to be moving fast enough with the times, here is hoping some awesome breakthrough comes through quickly an we get some awesome playing time on future generations.

Edited December 4, 2008 by Corris

[revvo]

In ten years time the 360 will top that list as soon as consumers realize that a 33% failure rate is simply not acceptable.

Haha, I wouldn't be too surprised :rofl:

It's too bad too, xbox live at least works like it should, but the hardware ruins the experience of 1 out of 3 owners

[kazuyette]

In ten years time the 360 will top that list as soon as consumers realize that a 33% failure rate is simply not acceptable.

flamebait ...

*FAIL*

[Rudy]

But i't the gamegear also essentially Genesis hardware in a handheld(ie Nomad) except with a better design, and it's own mini cartridges instead of using full size ones. It still played the same games as the genesis, just on other cartridges.

My uncle had a gamegear though, it was neat, though I wasn't much of a sonic man, wich I think was the only gamehe had, that and the tv tuner :)

kind of pointless with a handheld that required you to spend a fortune on batteries or allways be hooked up to power...

wrong the GameGear was actually a portable Sega Master System (there's even an adapter that would allow Sega Master System games to be plugged in the GameGear)

[rajputwarrior]

flamebait ...

*FAIL*

i don't think it is... well maybe a little. But he has a point, in ten years, everyone is going to look back and remember how the 360 was engineered by retards, or the xbox live issues more then the games and what not it has brought to the table.