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Capello Resigns!


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An alcohol-fuelled night out saw several England stars arrested and injured, leading to Fabio Capello resigning as manager this morning, with a crucial World Cup qualification clash against Ukraine to be played this evening at Wembley.

"This entire incident is farcical," Capello told the press. "It has disgraced my career as a coach and your pathetic people as a nation.

"There is no integrity, no pride, no discipline - and you wonder why you have no success.

"I cannot work in such despicable circumstances. I have tendered my resignation and that is the end of the matter."

Despite being subject to a curfew, the England team snuck out of their team hotel and began running wild on the streets of London. They visited several bars and clubs, consuming vast amounts of alcohol over the course of the evening with disastrous consequences.

Before chaos broke out, at approximately 22:30, Gareth Barry was approached by detectives on suspicion of having taken a bribe shortly before Aston Villa's last Premier League game. Unclear reports state that an unnamed 48-year-old Spanish male in Liverpool had also been taken into custody in relation to the crime.

They also caught up with David Beckham, who they were investigating over an irregularity on his tax return. Inside sources report that, in the column where it said, "Do not write in this space", Mr. Beckham had written, "OK".

It was shortly before midnight when the squad's behaviour got out of control and the Metropolitan Police surrounded the team in the West End of London, making several further arrests.

Goalkeeper David James was first to be taken in for assault, after he picked up a girl in a bar, then dropped her.

Stewart Downing attempted to flee the scene but unfortunately couldn't beat the first man.

Meanwhile, Wayne Rooney was initially cautioned for indecent exposure upon peaking his head out of a shop window, to the horror of many of the bystanding public. His reaction upon receiving his caution led to his arrest, as he began abusing several officers and inciting violence.

Emile Heskey and Carlton Cole were left stunned when police surrounded them from all sides and took them in for alleged suspicious activity outside a jewellery store.

It was then when two of England's biggest stars suffered serious injuries. Towards the end of the raid, Steven Gerrard made a dash for a taxi in order to escape, but upon having his wrist brushed by the pursuing officer, he threw himself to the floor, awkwardly on a broken bottle, apparently lost by John Terry approximately 10 months ago in Moscow. Gerrard sustained serious injuries and was air-lifted to a nearby hospital.

Frank Lampard was chased by police down an alleyway after having robbed a bakery. Despite several shots being fired, they were all miraculously deflected and none of them hit the Chelsea star. He was nevertheless found unconscious minutes later after having attempted to jump a fence and hit the wall. His personal physician revealed that this is not the first time he has suffered from such an accident.

"I am ashamed of all of them," sighed Capello, who has already been approached by AC Milan vice president Adriano Galliani, with a view to taking over at San Siro next season.

"As soon as I heard the news, I had to ring Don Fabio to see if he was OK," Galliani told reporters. "He is a strong man, he is coping very well with this tragic incident.

"At Milan we are a family. I have invited him back to his home and we may see him this summer back where he belongs.

"With Capello, Milan will be great again. We will buy Paul Scholes, Samii Hyypia, Marco Ballotta, Sylvinho, Fabio Cannavaro and many more. Perhaps Didier Drogba and Emmanuel Adebayor. Or both. I can confirm we have already agreed to re-sign Ronaldo."

Back in England, the FA have acted swiftly to repair the damage caused yesterday before tonight's game. Kevin Keegan, who narrowly missed out in being re-re-appointed as Newcastle United manager just last night, has been announced as England boss, after having quit in 2000. 'The Messiah' has signed a 17-year contract worth ?136 million, but has already been photographed in the foetal position in the tunnel at Wembley muttering to himself and threatening to leave his post. Middlesbrough mastermind Gareth Southgate is being mooted as his successor.

:omg:: THATS A NIGHTMARE!!! They are all like spoilt babies!! Shame on them!!

Edited by Kralik
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That is something no one would believe.

What he said.

Scirwode

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"This entire incident is farcical," Capello told the press. "It has disgraced my career as a coach and your pathetic people as a nation.

"There is no integrity, no pride, no discipline - and you wonder why you have no success.

"I cannot work in such despicable circumstances. I have tendered my resignation and that is the end of the matter."

I can't stop laughing.

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Scratch that, I just read the article and I have to say it is really well written :p . I especially like the part where Steven Gerrard slipped on a bottle that John Terry lost in Moscow... :whistle: :shifty: :rofl: !

Scirwode

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