Wife spent rent money on fathers day gift; iPod Touch

[Lamp0]

She didn't get it engraved, she bought it from best buy. I've always paid my bills on time, and have been good with the money, I think she did it because she knows I get a quarterly bonus from work on my next paycheck so she knows we can afford it, its just we can't afford it right now.

I could return it, and then re-buy it after I get my bonus, but My wife wouldn't like that idea, she is very sensitive (And bi-polar), she is really big on getting a gift on time, in her own words, "You either get a gift on time or you don't get one at all"

I'm surprised at all of the strong responses, I know she isn't crazy, and no I won't divorce her because of this, Like Sawyer said, she was just trying to do something romantic for me.

I'm all for returning it and re-buying it when we have the money, but I don't want to hurt her feelings because of it.

Tri, I wish you were my wife. Mine has this problem of impulse buying, and with me being the only one working as she cant for her life find a job, it gets tough sometimes. I cant talk to her as she gets ****ed off. I wish I could get her to understand about the money situation, I mean were doing ok, but I HATE living from paycheck to paycheck.

I am not expert on relationships, but when you have these kinds difficulties in communication with a wife or girlfriend, I wouldn't see it as a comfortable relationship. Especially when the situation is 100% understandable.

[Yusuf M. Veteran]

You're left with two options:

1. You keep the gift and end up paying an extra $100 fee to not hurt your wife's feelings
   
2. You return the gift and later re-buy it saving you $100, but you hurt your wife's feelings
   

I strongly suggest you go with option 2. It's obvious that she used the rent money on non-essential items. You don't need the items right now, right? I don't think it would hurt to wait until you have the money to buy it.

I come from a big family and money is always tight. However, we always get what we want by setting aside money for bills and rent first. Everything else is secondary. It's just a matter of patience, really.

[+M2Ys4U Subscriber¹]

I did sit her down and talked to her logically about the situation and it went pretty well, I told her that I love the fact that she got me something nice (albeit I didn't tell her I knew what it was) but I don't appreciate the fact that she didn't come to me first to discuss the issue before she bought the gift. It went well, and so did the make up sex ;)

(Y) :yes:

Sensible decision.

[OOOOOOOO]

Sell your wife to pay the rent and enjoy the iPod ! :D

[speedstr3789]

Tell me how I can save money with 2 children, and Bills on 26,000 a year.

I have Rent, Car payment, Car insurance, Health insurance, Home owners insurance (I live in a trailer, I pay lot rent), TV, Internet, Phone, Food, Diapers, clothes for me ever growing daughters.

Don't jump to conclusions and think that I am ignorant and don't know how to manage money because of one situation, before you understand my life.....its hard to keep money in the bank when your in a situation like mine, but you will go crazy if you don't indulge yourself when you have the chance to...........

Newsflash. Every married couple has these bills in their life. You are not unique.

My niece has 2 children ages 1 and 5, Single mother. Put herself thru college while working full time. She's now a junior accountant and starting to make a decent life for herself. And oh yea, she still doesn't make 26,000.00 a year.

Me? I just had my cable turned off for the summer to save some cash. Started riding my bike to work to save money.

It's all about priorities.

I'm saying I cannot be expected to put my whole bonus in savings without spending some of it on myself.

Why? See, that's where you are screwed with your thinking. It's not about you.

You can say it all you want that people shouldn't buy an ipod if they don't have savings, but that's not how probably 90% of people work. Many live paycheck to paycheck and still can have a few things they've always wanted.

What's a 2nd gen ipod cost? $300.00+? How about that FM tuner. Another $60.00 or more?

Sure. Get a few things that you want but when you can't hardly pay for rent and that's what you want to do with your money? Buy a couple of expensive toys instead? Are you serious?

The economy is in the tank. People are losing jobs left and right. Forclosures are all over the map. And you want to spend 400.00 or more on a toy?

Wow...just wow

[steelcurtain]

Yes you can expect to put your whole bonus in the bank. I used to put my birthday money in the bank and my christmas because paying bills was more important! Doing that will allow you to have the money for unexpected expenses!

Edited June 16, 2009 by steelcurtain

[sweetsam]

Always Bills first. This was a black and white case. The right choice was pretty obvious. Return and pay rent.

[nbtc971]

Return it then when she's feeling bad, demand the kind of sweet love that many women refuse to give their man. ;)

[GuJu]

It's a stupid electronic devise. Pay your bills.

[FloatingFatMan]

Its hard to keep money in the bank when your in a situation like mine, but you will go crazy if you don't indulge yourself when you have the chance to. I'm not saying spend money that you don't have, I'm saying I cannot be expected to put my whole bonus in savings without spending some of it on myself.

This is something I absolutely agree with.. Living hand to mouth is zero fun and something a lot of people have to do every month. If you DON'T manage to shake a little of it loose every once in a while for a treat, then what's the point of everything?

A person needs to be able to treat themselves, or someone else, from time to time.

[bdsams Veteran]

why not wait till fathers day...maybe she was saving up for it and you didnt know?

[Angelic Marge]

She didn't get it engraved, she bought it from best buy. I've always paid my bills on time, and have been good with the money, I think she did it because she knows I get a quarterly bonus from work on my next paycheck so she knows we can afford it, its just we can't afford it right now.

I could return it, and then re-buy it after I get my bonus, but My wife wouldn't like that idea, she is very sensitive (And bi-polar), she is really big on getting a gift on time, in her own words, "You either get a gift on time or you don't get one at all"

I'm surprised at all of the strong responses, I know she isn't crazy, and no I won't divorce her because of this, Like Sawyer said, she was just trying to do something romantic for me.

I'm all for returning it and re-buying it when we have the money, but I don't want to hurt her feelings because of it.

Do you both always buy each other gifts for mothers and fathers day then? I never met a couple who did that before. Wouldn't that make them husband and wife days? :laugh: I always thought it was for children to do something nice for their parents.

Ooh I bet you can't wait for Christmas then if this is your gift for a minor celebration such as Fathers day :rofl:

[spikey_richie]

An iPod doesn't put a roof over your head. As others have said, take it back and pay the rent first.

[fAlCoNNiAn]

Just gonna throw it out there, but if money is really tight that you need every penny to pay rent, why did you decide to have children?

[Popcorned1]

Just gonna throw it out there, but if money is really tight that you need every penny to pay rent, why did you decide to have children?

Just get off the internet you jackass.

[Dead_Monkey]

I don't know how far that much goes in Chicagoland, but it's pretty irrelevant. It's all about making savings a priority, even when living hand to foot. A priority over things like an iPod.

I don't know how keeping the iPod even becomes a possibility if things are as desperate as you're making them out to be.

Having lived on $26,000 in Chicagoland myself, I can tell you it doesn't go very far at all.

[fAlCoNNiAn]

Just get off the internet you jackass.

Jackass?

Nobody else thinks that there should be a solid savings before you bring a child into the world?

[FloatingFatMan]

Jackass?

Nobody else thinks that there should be a solid savings before you bring a child into the world?

If people did that, most wouldn't have kids until their 40's, if that...

[MistaT40]

Pay the bill first - that shouldn't even be a question. Bills come first.

[Emily_June]

Jackass?

Nobody else thinks that there should be a solid savings before you bring a child into the world?

I can agree that, ideally, you should be financially stable before you decide to have children.

However, situations aren't always ideal; it just doesn't always work out that way. Clearly the OP is working hard with his wife to take care of their children, together. It's very common, and almost expected for young couples to struggle financially, physically and mentally for the first few years of parenthood, despite or because of their preparation or lack of. My parents prepared and planned (financially and mentally) for the birth of both my brother and myself, and they still struggled until I was about 9, my brother 12 in a small home in the ghettos of Detroit without, as they put it, "two pennies to rub together". They still managed to send both of us to private grade schools, an elite high-school (after moving us into an upper-middle-class neighborhood), and college which sometimes meant paying the bills late. I adored my childhood, and my parents have both given me so much already; there's not a thing I'd change about it.

The OP asking for advice on how he might proceed with a wife, an expensive gift, and a potentially late (but still paid) rent payment certainly shouldn't bring into question his capacity for fatherhood or his quality as a parent. He's not asking whether he should choose between feeding his child or keeping an expensive iPod; only between paying rent late with a penalty fee to keep the iPod, or paying on time and returning a gift from his wife

I do understand and agree completely with what you're saying, but I also have to agree that in context, it was at least slightly jackassish.

@ the OP: It's good to hear that you handled the situation favorably, with your wife. Is she returning the iPod afterall? Just a suggestion, and perhaps it's too late, but is there anything around the house you/she could sell for a little bit of extra cash to either keep the iPod and pay the rent, or repurchase the iPod? I'm sure that if you take a good look around, there are plenty of things you could put on eBay for the price of rent/an iPod touch.

And I do completely agree, even being unmarried and without children, that without spending a little of your hard-earned money on yourself now and then, you'd go absolutely crazy. I can only imagine that many of the people who scolded you for that remark simply don't want to admit or don't realize how much money they do spend on themselves now and then--whether it's a nice meal, a new phone/gadget, or tickets to a movie. There's nothing selfish about being selfish now and then, if you can, and it's not hurting anyone. Those who scolded you, I imagine, would be quicker to convince themselves and those around them that their selfish purchases were absolutely necessary or for the whole family than to simply admit that they'd never be happy never being able to spend a little on themselves from time to time. Of course I could be wrong, and I certainly don't mean to offend anyone, it's just inhuman, in my opinion, to be completely and totally selfless all the time, especially when you're working so hard for a family.

-Emily

[zagor]

I can agree that, ideally, you should be financially stable before you decide to have children.

However, situations aren't always ideal; it just doesn't always work out that way. Clearly the OP is working hard with his wife to take care of their children, together. It's very common, and almost expected for young couples to struggle financially, physically and mentally for the first few years of parenthood, despite or because of their preparation or lack of. My parents prepared and planned (financially and mentally) for the birth of both my brother and myself, and they still struggled until I was about 9, my brother 12 in a small home in the ghettos of Detroit without, as they put it, "two pennies to rub together". They still managed to send both of us to private grade schools, an elite high-school (after moving us into an upper-middle-class neighborhood), and college which sometimes meant paying the bills late. I adored my childhood, and my parents have both given me so much already; there's not a thing I'd change about it.

The OP asking for advice on how he might proceed with a wife, an expensive gift, and a potentially late (but still paid) rent payment certainly shouldn't bring into question his capacity for fatherhood or his quality as a parent. He's not asking whether he should choose between feeding his child or keeping an expensive iPod; only between paying rent late with a penalty fee to keep the iPod, or paying on time and returning a gift from his wife

I do understand and agree completely with what you're saying, but I also have to agree that in context, it was at least slightly jackassish.

@ the OP: It's good to hear that you handled the situation favorably, with your wife. Is she returning the iPod afterall? Just a suggestion, and perhaps it's too late, but is there anything around the house you/she could sell for a little bit of extra cash to either keep the iPod and pay the rent, or repurchase the iPod? I'm sure that if you take a good look around, there are plenty of things you could put on eBay for the price of rent/an iPod touch.

And I do completely agree, even being unmarried and without children, that without spending a little of your hard-earned money on yourself now and then, you'd go absolutely crazy. I can only imagine that many of the people who scolded you for that remark simply don't want to admit or don't realize how much money they do spend on themselves now and then--whether it's a nice meal, a new phone/gadget, or tickets to a movie. There's nothing selfish about being selfish now and then, if you can, and it's not hurting anyone. Those who scolded you, I imagine, would be quicker to convince themselves and those around them that their selfish purchases were absolutely necessary or for the whole family than to simply admit that they'd never be happy never being able to spend a little on themselves from time to time. Of course I could be wrong, and I certainly don't mean to offend anyone, it's just inhuman, in my opinion, to be completely and totally selfless all the time, especially when you're working so hard for a family.

-Emily

Finally, some common sense post. And I am happy that the things worked out fine for the OP.

Feel some compassion for others...

[Adam1V]

Simple.

Keep the present and be grateful for it.

Struggle through, but it will be worth it.

[shakey_snake]

This is something I absolutely agree with.. Living hand to mouth is zero fun and something a lot of people have to do every month. If you DON'T manage to shake a little of it loose every once in a while for a treat, then what's the point of everything?

A person needs to be able to treat themselves, or someone else, from time to time.

"Treats" are fine if it's the occasional ice cream cone.

$229 in a situation where you have no savings and no emergency savings and kids is irresponsible.

But *blah*, I think the OP knows my opinion in the matter.

Best of luck, buddy.

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