Should I befriend my ex-wife on Facebook?

By Thunderbuck
in General Discussion

 Share

Recommended Posts

Grand Master

_bobcat_ Veteran

Posted
  • Veteran
Posted

Hmm another way to look at the name thing is that after five years of using it, it became her name as much as his. It could mean something, but I've known of others who kept their married names after divorce and certainly didn't want their husbands back. Changing documents and your identity is not exactly trivial.

Personally I do think you should stay away from her. Facebook (and the internet as a whole) is an artificial means of keeping in touch with people that 20 or 50 years ago would have quietly and naturally disappeared from your life. It's one thing to add friends from years ago, but I think ex's, especially an ex spouse, should be left well alone unless you happened to maintain some open friendship throughout the years, which the people currently in your life will be used to.

Another thing I thought is this .. so you add her, you catch up .. then what? Do you leave her on your friends list for anyone to see? .. not just your current wife, but friends and family that you may have now or may add in future. What about if your daughters sign up in a few years and see her on there?

Or.. do you delete her? Sending mixed, hostile signals to her and anyone else that noticed her addition and removal. Either action will be seen to be "significant" and people will take it differently no matter what you do. In general I think it is better avoid an awkward situation before it happens.. if you needed her in your life she would be there without Facebook.

Explorer

Arrakiv

Posted
Posted

You know, if you do end up adding her, I'm going to be all kinds of curious about what actually happens as a result of that.

Other than that? I have ex-girl friends on Facebook, but most of my break ups have been, I don't know, graceful? Ending a marriage, more so like what you said though, doesn't sound like it would have been all that graceful at all, though.

20 years is a long time, and it isn't like she can somehow seriously hurt you through the Internets - granted, you might have your address and stuff there, but...

Anyway, there's a good chance nothing good will come out of it.

Proficient

Thunderbuck

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hmm another way to look at the name thing is that after five years of using it, it became her name as much as his. It could mean something, but I've known of others who kept their married names after divorce and certainly didn't want their husbands back. Changing documents and your identity is not exactly trivial.

Personally I do think you should stay away from her. Facebook (and the internet as a whole) is an artificial means of keeping in touch with people that 20 or 50 years ago would have quietly and naturally disappeared from your life. It's one thing to add friends from years ago, but I think ex's, especially an ex spouse, should be left well alone unless you happened to maintain some open friendship throughout the years, which the people currently in your life will be used to.

Another thing I thought is this .. so you add her, you catch up .. then what? Do you leave her on your friends list for anyone to see? .. not just your current wife, but friends and family that you may have now or may add in future. What about if your daughters sign up in a few years and see her on there?

Or.. do you delete her? Sending mixed, hostile signals to her and anyone else that noticed her addition and removal. Either action will be seen to be "significant" and people will take it differently no matter what you do. In general I think it is better avoid an awkward situation before it happens.. if you needed her in your life she would be there without Facebook.

I'm sorry I don't have some kind of prize to give for overall thoughtfulness :)

I've slept on it. Not gonna go there.

Grand Master

game_over

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've not read all 3 pages so i don't know if this has been said but, if she has a profile with nothing on it like you suggested then she probably only signed up to look you up... of course, whether your profile is private or not will determine if she's actually had a chance to look.

I have been in a similar situation with previous partners, one in particular was still sending cards and was having random visits to my family, my currently partner did not like this at all and did lead to problems, even after talks and being totally honest it was clear the only solution was to totally rid of my ex. I think most woman will feel this way whether they show it or not, so if you don't want to cause your current wife any heartache then i wouldn't bother adding her.

Edited by forcer
Mentor

OOOOOOOO

Posted
Posted

There are zero reasons to add her.

You have a new life ... you moved on. Keep it that way. Your new wife, regardless of what she says will probably feel a pang of upset if you do add her. Jeez, it's an ex WIFE ... not just some random girl from college days.

I've not read all 3 pages so i don't know if this has been said but, if she has a profile with nothing on it like you suggested then she probably only signed up to look you up... of course, whether your profile is private or not will determine if she's actually had a chance to look.

That's an extremely presumptuous statement.

On Facebook, if you're not friends with someone, or even if you are, that person can limit what you can see. And your profile can appear to have no info ... but to people who are friends or chosen specifically, the profile can in fact be FULL of information.

That would be pretty arrogant of him to assume if you ask me.

Grand Master

Southern Patriot

Posted
Posted
Good thing you decided not to do it. It would've bothered your wife to no end, even if she says it doesn't bother her, rest assured it does.

That's not always a safe assumption. My current wife and I have hung out with my ex-wife and her current boyfriend a couple of times. My ex and I even did karaoke. The really funny thing was that we each chose songs that sort of described the situation: she sang "You oughta know" by Alanis Morissette, and I sang "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks. Neither of us knew what the other was going to sing. Everyone had a good laugh about that!!

This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Posts

    • I restored the default settings to Secure Boot. Big mistake

      By erpster3 · Posted

      yes AND no the "original" or plain/normal Optiplex 7010 won't be getting any more new firmware updates BUT the Optiplex SFF/SFF Plus {small form factor}, Micro/Micro Plus & Tower/Tower Plus 7010 editions DO get new updates such as this new one   and here are similar guides from the Dell web site for Dell systems: https://www.dell.com/support/kbdoc/en-us/000390990/secure-boot-transition-faq https://www.dell.com/support/kbdoc/en-us/000347876/microsoft-2011-secure-boot-certificate-expiration
    • SpaceX reportedly plans a Starlink mobile service for U.S. consumers

      By neufuse · Posted

      AT&T has been spying on US citizens with the NSA for decades.. they just know how to keep it more under wraps.. the evil level is still there.
    • Politically funny images of the World

      By SidVicious · Posted

    • Windows 11 is getting redesigned taskbar settings in new build

      By excalpius · Posted

      >Improved system sounds when using Windows in dark mode. The story behind that bug would be an interesting one.
    • Edifier S3000MKII hi-fi audiophile grade bookshelf speaker is at its lowest price now

      By hellowalkman · Posted

      Edifier S3000MKII hi-fi audiophile grade bookshelf speaker is at its lowest price now by Sayan Sen Yesterday we covered a bunch of Dolby Atmos soundbar deals with several ones from Sony, as well as from JBL, Samsung, Polk Audio, and more. You can check them out in this dedicated piece. Those are not audiophile category speakers though as they are built with home theater use in mind. If you are searching for the former then Edifier has its S3000MKII at its lowest price at the moment (purchase link under the specs table down below). This is a two-way bookshelf monitor speaker designed to produce accurate sound. While it may not produce the best high-fidelity audio possible out there, it should still be significantly better than what you will get on soundbars of this price range. As such it will do justice to high-res audio played back through it. The only thing that may feel lacking is sub-bass as Edifier claims the unit can go down to 38 Hz, which should be enough for studio monitor purposes, but not for deep room-shaking rumbling bass. Where this does excel though is in its treble reproduction. With its super-tweeter, it claims to go as high as 40 kHz in the frequency spectrum, which should offer a sense of "air"yness. This is an active speaker which means it packs its own amplfication. It has a top-notch Class D amp that may be able to rival many Class AB designs too in terms of sound reproduction quality. The technical specs of the Edifier S3000MKII are given in the table below: Specification Value RMS Output Power 256W RMS (Treble: 8W × 2, Mid-Low: 120W × 2) Tweeter Driver 107mm × 107mm Planar Magnetic Tweeter Mid-Low Driver 6.5-inch (179mm) Long-Throw Aluminum Diaphragm Driver Frequency Response 38Hz – 40kHz Signal-to-Noise Ratio ≥ 85dB (A) Bluetooth Version Bluetooth 5.0 Bluetooth Codec Qualcomm® aptX™ HD Wireless Speaker Link Proprietary 5.8GHz wireless connection between speakers Supported Hi-Res Audio Hi-Res Audio Certified, up to 24-bit/192kHz Digital Processing XMOS XU216 Digital Signal Processor Audio Inputs Balanced XLR, Optical, Coaxial, USB Type-B, Line In, Bluetooth Input Sensitivity (USB) 400 ± 50mFFs Input Sensitivity (Optical) 400 ± 50mFFs Input Sensitivity (Coaxial) 400 ± 50mFFs Input Sensitivity (Bluetooth) 450 ± 50mFFs Input Sensitivity (Balanced XLR) 1000 ± 50mV Input Sensitivity (Line In) 600 ± 50mV ADC Capability Up to 24-bit/192kHz DSP Capability Up to 24-bit/192kHz DIX Capability Up to 24-bit/216kHz DAC Capability Up to 32-bit/384kHz XMOS Processing Power Up to 2,000 MIPS Edifier S3000MKII Audiophile Active (Powered) Wireless Speakers: $799.99 (Sold by Edifier US, Shipped by Amazon US) If you do not have the kind of budget to spend on the S3000MKII, you can also check out the Edifier R1280Ts which is right now on sale at just $114 (its lowest price in a very long time). Good to know This Amazon deal is U.S. specific, and not available in other regions unless specified. We only use first-party seller links (at the time of article publishing); ensure that you purchase from a first-party seller link only. Check out Today's Deals on Amazon | or our recent tech deals. Become a Prime member (for Students or SNAP) via Neowin Get Prime Access - Prime for half price (for qualifying Medicaid, EBT, SNAP) Subscribe to Prime Video, Audible Plus, Music Unlimited or Kindle Unlimited via Neowin As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases.

  • Recent Achievements

    • One Year In
      bernmeister earned a badge
      One Year In
    • Week One Done
      Scoobystu earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • Week One Done
      tuben earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • First Post
      OffsetAbs earned a badge
      First Post
    • Reacting Well
      OffsetAbs earned a badge
      Reacting Well

  • Popular Contributors

    1. 1
      +primortal
      442
    2. 2
      +Edouard
      200
    3. 3
      PsYcHoKiLLa
      155
    4. 4
      FloatingFatMan
      71
    5. 5
      Steven P.
      67
    Show More

  • Tell a friend

    Love Neowin? Tell a friend!