NeoBytes :) is an occasional feature that takes a step back from the big headlines, to take a look at what else is happening in the vast, scary expanse of the tech world - often with a cynical eye, always with a dose of humour.
Are you fed up with the current state of Python, but inspired by Donald Trump? Do you believe wholeheartedly in his mission to make America great again? Then embrace TrumpScript, comrades, and let's make Python great again too.
Many have always believed in Python, just as many have always believed in America. It's easy to understand and write - it's basically pseudocode that compiles. But let's face it - the language needs a makeover: a shiny, golden, definitely-not-fake, combover kind of makeover. While not designed by the man himself, it is inspired by him and his attitude. Let's explore the changes in this new language as quoted by its creators:
- No floating point numbers, only integers. America never does anything halfway.
- All numbers must be strictly greater than 1 million. The small stuff is inconsequential to us.
- There are no import statements allowed. All code has to be home-grown and American made.
- Instead of True and False, we have fact and lie.
- Only the most popular English words, Trump's favorite words, and current politician names can be used as variable names.
- Error messages are mostly quotes directly taken from Trump himself.
- All programs must end with "America is great".
- Our language will automatically correct Forbes' $4.5B to $10B.
- The language is completely case insensitive.
- Warns you if you have any Communists masqeurading as legitimate "SSL Certificates" from China on your system.
- Won't run in root mode because America doesn't need your help being great. Trump is all we need.
- Trump doesn't like to talk about his failures. So a lot of the time your code will fail, and it will do so silently. Just think of debugging as a fun little game.
Like Mr. Trump, the best* candidate for the American presidency, we believe that TrumpScript is the greatest and only chance for Python to become top dog once again. To show your support, you can begin using TrumpScript today. Please be aware that you must be operating within a Linux environment to use TrumpScript, as Mr. Trump doesn't believe in using Windows.
To protect our country's secrets, computer hardware manufactured in either China or Mexico must not be allowed to run this code. Together, we can make America and Python great again.
* Definition open to interpretation and wildly misleading claims.