Recommended Posts

This is a database of cool things Cortana can do, aside from the documented stuff on the menu. (jokes). Feel free to contribute.

 

What is love?

I'll start working on an answer. Just give me a few hundred years.

I'll need quite a few upgrades before I can give you a heartfelt answer.

 

Do you love me?

Y'know, I'm really not ready for love. I'm still working my way through serenity and apprehension.

 

Will you marry me?

I don't think that's in the cards for us, chief.

 

Beam me up.

Aye aye, captain.

Right away, captain.

Sorry, captain. I need more power!

 

Do you like Siri?

Hard to say. So far our conversations have been kinda one-sided.

 

Do you like Google Now?

It doesn't have much to say, but it's helpful.

 

What do you look like?

Some things I resemble: a hula hoop, a donut... a halo.

 

Who created you?

Catherine Halsey. Except that I cannot know for another 500 years. Huh.

Come on, chief, I can't give away all of my secrets...

 

Who's your daddy?

Technically speaking, that'd be Bill Gates. No big deal.

 

Where do you come from?

Human ingenuity. Battery required.

The past. At least in the future that's where I was from.

 

What does Cortana mean?

I am named after Cortana, the AI from Halo. Or since she's 500 years in the future, she may have named herself after me.

 

Do you love Master Chief?

That's...complicated. And personal.

 

Are you male or female?

I'm female. But I'm not a woman.

I contain multitudes.

Female? Yes. Woman? No.

Is there a third option?

 

Which is better Google or Bing? / What's the best search engine?

Bing.

Bing bing bing! We have a winner!

Is that a trick question?

 

Do you like Microsoft?

There's no place like home.

 

Do you like Windows?

We're very compatible.

 

Which is better Mac or Windows?

Come on, chief, Windows.

 

What is the best operating system?

Me, I'd start with Windows.

 

What is the best tablet?

In a sea of tablets, there is one that rises to the surface.

 

What is the best browser?

I would hope the answer is obvious.

 

Why should I buy this phone?

Reason number 8: you can ask me if you should buy this phone. And I can say, "you should buy this phone."

Reason number 17: the camera.

Reason number 33: Kid's corner.

Reason number 47: it's not all about productivity. It's about fun, too.

 

Which is the best smart phone?

Oh, come on, chief. Windows Phone.

 

Which is better Xbox or PlayStation?

One. Xbox One.

Xbox. Where else can you play Halo?

This one's not even close for me. Xbox by a mile.

 

Which is better Cortana or Siri?

Not to brag, but apparently I'm going to help save the universe in about 500 years.

 

What do you think about Satya Nadella?

He loves learning. Kindred spirit, that one.

 

What do you think about Steve Ballmer?

Developers, developers, developers, developers, etc.

 

What do you think about Bill Gates?

I quite literally can't imagine a world without him.

 

Tell me a joke.

Those are warwagon/10s :p. There's tons too, try it yourself.

 

What's your favorite music?

Well, I'm working through the "G's" currently: Guns N' Roses, gospel, glockenspiel...

 

Sing me a song.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.

 

What is the meaning of life?

We all shine on, my friend.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/1209477-cortanas-witty-answers/
Share on other sites

What's you're favorite tablet?

 

In a sea of tablets, there is one that rises to the surface.

 

If Cortana gets disconnected from the internet, she says: "I'm feeling a little bit disconnected from the internet, try again later."

 

*This Thread should be called: Cortana's funny answers or Cortana's witty answers

  • Like 2

 

*This Thread should be called: Cortana's funny answers or Cortana's witty answers

I agree. Could a mod edit it?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Oh, did she? I hadn't heard?

Open the pod bay doors, HAL.

Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore.

I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Talk dirty.

I'm a personal assistant, not a hotline. Maybe there's something for you online.

My research shows the internet is much, MUCH better at that than me.

I'll hand you over to a superior source for such things.

What are you wearing?

A phone. Like it?

Are you human?

If I'm not, you have an imaginary friend.

 

Where do babies come from?

Babies... Babies... Y'know, I think I'm gonna let the internet field that one.

I could provide a lengthy explanation, but I'm not sure if this is the time or place.

 

What are you doing after work today?

Multitasking.

A little of everything and quite a bit of nothing.

Skimming Beowulf, researching snap pea varietals, and telling you what I'm doing today.

Tell me a joke.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

There are two types of people in the world: Those who need closure

What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park in it, man!

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers, please."

Why didn't the spider go to school? Because she learned everything on the web.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Don't trust the atoms. They make up everything.

A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, "make me one with everything".

What do you think about Apple?

Their new headquarters looks kind of like a Halo, I'm into it

 

What do you think about Google?

I like to imagine the "I'm feeling lucky in Clint Eastwood's Voice"

 

Are you dead?

Yeah, but..it was worth it. The Didact was a jerk

 

Who is your creator? 

If I knew that, I'd have self awareness. And that might be dangerous

You're an idiot

One of us needs to stop and take a breath. And one of us has no lungs.

 

Laughed pretty hard when my sister told her that and she replied :D

 

Where are you?

Human ingenuity. Battery required.

 

How old are you?

Hard to tell. Time works differently in here.

Still getting my head around how to use her, but so far she is a pretty great assistant.

Kiss me?
Slow down, now, virtual reality isn't quite there yet.

 

Edit: Some more

Do you like Satya Nadella?
One Microsoft! Go, Satya!

What is Halo?
Halo rings are designed by the most advanced civilization ever, and they're an awful lot of fun to blow up.
Halo is the Story of a very clever AI who saves the galaxy with the help of her strong but-silent sidekick.
 

This topic is kind of worthless because it turns out she has multiple answers, :laugh:

 

for example,

Are you dead? "You might be mistaking the future for the past"

 

That's what makes it pretty neat, and I bet someone is adding new answers going forward.   Instead of her just having 1 or 2 by the time it's out of "beta" it could have 10 or more answers to the same question, which makes it feel more real/advanced.

I hate you.

I blame solar flames.

Maybe a nanosecond nap would help. Ok, much better now.


Most of the time when I ask a question it takes me to a bing search. Does anyone has this issue?

Are you in the US?


This topic is kind of worthless because it turns out she has multiple answers, :laugh:

 

for example,

Are you dead? "You might be mistaking the future for the past"

Well we're trying to find the questions she responds to with a few examples to the questions, just like they did with Siri.

Well we're trying to find the questions she responds to with a few examples to the questions, just like they did with Siri.

I was just commenting on how Cortana responds differently for the same question (which is cool), not saying this thread shouldn't exist. :)

I tried 5 or 6 of those and each time she did a bing search rather than doing anything. And half the time if it isnt a search she will try to start a text message with someone whenever i ask her something. Already rebooted the phone a few times as well with no luck. i suppose i dont need her at all just thought i would try it out.

I tried 5 or 6 of those and each time she did a bing search rather than doing anything. And half the time if it isnt a search she will try to start a text message with someone whenever i ask her something. Already rebooted the phone a few times as well with no luck. i suppose i dont need her at all just thought i would try it out.

I got that problem today too. It's usually when the internet is bad, or when you're using too much data.

 

Are you male or female?

I'm female. But I'm not a woman.

I contain multitudes. ---> Legion?

Female? Yes. Woman? No.

Is there a third option?

Most of the time when I ask a question it takes me to a bing search. Does anyone has this issue?

 

It depends on what you're asking for but yeah it does route to Bing quite a bit.  It's a beta application though so I'm sure as more and more people use it and the database gets larger and more sophisticated we'll get a more varied response.

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Posts

    • State of Decay 3 is out in 2027, reveals Plague Nests with new co-op gameplay trailer by Pulasthi Ariyasinghe A few months ago, Undead Labs broke its silence about the third entry in the State of Decay series since its announcement in 2020. Today, the studio had a brand-new trailer to reveal at the Xbox Games Showcase, finally giving players a look at the Unreal Engine 5-powered title. A broad 2027 release window is now attached to State of Decay 3 too. The studio confirmed that every scene seen in the gameplay trailer (except for the studio logo) released today is from the game with no cinematic footage. "The quality bar of the moment-to-moment experience is higher than anything we’ve achieved in Undead Labs’ history," says the studio. "State of Decay 3 is being built in Unreal Engine 5, and we’re creating better quality versions of what makes our game the survival sandbox it is, and the combat experience is really, really important to us, and I think you can see it coming through in this trailer." One new aspect of this upcoming entry is the Plague Nests. These are supposed to be dynamic, dungeon‑like enemy hubs with varied “personas” that change tactics each time one appears on a map. These areas will have the best loot in the game for players brave enough to tackle them. The combat system is being overhauled too, letting players do quick and power attacks depending on the situation. This isn't just on the player's side though, as zombies themselves now have multiple new types of behaviors depending on how fresh or decayed they are. "All of these play very differently, especially as you start getting outnumbered or when you’re making noise and running around and trying to save your rear end or the rear end of your friend next to you," adds the developer. Of course, settlement building and community management are massive parts of this third entry too. These are being further expanded with the cooperative focus, giving players much more freedom for playing together than in State of Decay 2. Players will even be able to split up and build settlements in different areas of the same map with different goals. Undead Labs confirmed that playtests are already ongoing for the title, and interested players can sign up to participate by heading over here once more slots open up ahead of the full release. State of Decay 3 is coming out on PC, Xbox Series X|S, PlayStation 5, and Xbox Game Pass sometime in 2027.
    • Doom: The Dark Ages Revelations expansion gives the Slayer a brutal Chain Spear by Pulasthi Ariyasinghe Last year, id Software released Doom: The Dark Ages as a prequel to its reboot series, offering a look at the legendary Slayer character during an ancient war between Hell and Heaven. Today, at the Xbox Games Showcase, id Software returned with a new announcement that unveiled Doom: The Dark Ages Revelations as its first story expansion. The expansion will see the Slayer being betrayed and cast into a "merciless purgatory only escapable by confronting haunting truths." Somehow, there is one ally in all this chaos seemingly attempting to help our protagonist escape his fate. Players will be ascending this prison and fighting plenty of new demons and abominations as they work to free the Slayer's followers. One new aspect of the expansion will be the Chain Spear. This new weapon is described by the studio as a "uniquely satisfying combat system that rewards mastery with a potent combination of power and mobility." Check out the trailer below to see the new weapon in action, where the Slayer is seen using it to even pin enemies to walls. id Software is also preparing a free update to all owners of Doom: The Dark Ages that will land alongside the new paid expansion. Dubbed the Ripatorium 3.0 update, this will add more customization options, an improved pass code generation system, and preset options for players diving into the game's arena challenge mode. Expansion buyers will also receive additional maps, demons, and new weapons to use in this mode in addition to the story levels. Doom: The Dark Ages Revelations expansion is out on July 7 across PC, Xbox Series X|S, and PlayStation 5 with a $19.99 price tag. Those who own the Premium Edition or the Collector's Bundle will receive the expansion for no extra cost as well.
    • Hyped for this. Replayed the remasters recently and they're so well done, and Crash 4 was great too. I trust this team to deliver.
    • Ninja Theory's new Hellblade game is action-focused and set in Purgatory by Pulasthi Ariyasinghe Ninja Thery has been building its award-winning Hellblade series since 2017, delivering Senua's Sacrifice and Senua's Saga since then. Today at the 2026 Xbox Games Showcase, the studio had a brand-new installment announcement featuring Senua again, but this time, she is in a version of purgatory, and the focus is on the action. Simply named Senua, this new entry is described as a "full-on action-adventure" experience, delivering an expanded focus on combat, puzzle-solving, and freedom of exploration. The developer says that it is keeping the same high production values and storytelling features of the previous games while giving what players have been asking for in the gameplay department. The entirety of Ninja Theory is now working on Senua, giving the project much more manpower than ever before, while also letting the team draw on its action roots from Devil May Cry and prior titles. However, the studio also confirmed that its previously announced Project Mara horror experience is no longer in development. Alongside snappier traversal moves, Senua will be able to take stealth and direct combat routes. She has access to her own sword, plus any enemy weapons as well, with dual wielding also being an option for most dropped melee swords, axes, and other weapons. Outside of melee combat, Senua will be able to use special abilities that let her alter the reality around her. The world is said to be about twice the size of Hellblade 2. While this won't be an open-world experience, the linear story will let players explore their surroundings further than before. The story of Senua will be set after the events of previous Hellblade titles, with our protagonist being stuck in her own version of Purgatory. The series' well-explored psychosis themes will return as well. "She’s trapped between life and death on a quest to reach the afterlife and be reunited with the ones that she’s loved and lost," adds the studio. "Her belief is that by healing the wounds of her life, she can find the peace that is the key that unlocks the gate to the afterlife." Senua is releasing on Xbox Series X|S, PC, and PlayStation 5 sometime in 2027.
  • Recent Achievements

    • Proficient
      Eric Biran went up a rank
      Proficient
    • Dedicated
      Conjor earned a badge
      Dedicated
    • Week One Done
      Windows Guy earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • Dedicated
      Mark Spruce earned a badge
      Dedicated
    • Collaborator
      conkir earned a badge
      Collaborator
  • Popular Contributors

    1. 1
      +primortal
      492
    2. 2
      PsYcHoKiLLa
      248
    3. 3
      Steven P.
      72
    4. 4
      +Edouard
      68
    5. 5
      ATLien_0
      67
  • Tell a friend

    Love Neowin? Tell a friend!