joke Witness in Court

[jnelsoninjax]

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. It went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
 

Spoiler

A. You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

 

[wendy oltman]

LOL! That is seriously funny.
 

I also read a funny real witness cross-examination on the internet.

 

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check  for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive  when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

[restroom]

A real life scenario my ex ex ex boss had when he went to court to testify as a character witness for his friend:

 

Lawyer: Do you feel you are close to your friend?

Boss: Right now no, he is sitting the other side of the room.

Lawyer: Do you believe your friend is capable of committing the offences he is being prosecuted for?

Boss: Well that depends on how much he could make out of it hehe.

Lawyer to Judge: Judge, Mr Jones is being difficult.

Judge (with a sly smirk on his face): Mr Jones would you please just answer yes or no to the questions.

Lawyer: My Jones, in your own words, could you please describe your connection with the defendant.

Boss: Yes.

 

Apparently the judge gave a little snort trying not to laugh

 

My bosses friend was in court being tried for tampering with computer forensic evidence he obtained during another trial for a very wealthy company. The company was prosecuting for unlawful evidence tampering, trying to claim he had placed evidence there to benefit from a payment made by a competitor of theirs or something. Both my boss and his friend are super intelligent guys and also very sarcastic and awkward when they want to be.