Sandwiches


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Three men are working on a building site.

Long

Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.

The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.

“By god” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years and every day, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself.”

The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich. “Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Every day I tell the ol’ ball and chain how much I despise cheese sandwiches but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy — if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself.”

The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in. “I don’t believe it — another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it — count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself.”

The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes. The first man, a ham sandwich. The second, a cheese sandwich. The third, a tuna sandwich. The three men exchange solemn looks, before jumping in unison from the height of the building and crashing to the ground below in a crumpled heap of blood and bone — slain by their own hands.

At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.

“If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches” says the wife of the first man, “I always thought he was being ironic!”

“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches” says the wife of the second man, “I always thought he was being sarcastic!”

“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches” says the wife of the third man, “but I don’t know what good it would have done —

Spoiler

the fool made his own lunch!”

 

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