nail Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 http://www.<< filtered for offensive content >>/jeffk Now soem of yuo kids out there may not know what teh Intarnet si becuase your all trollops bent on a fascinating angle. Teh Intarnet was created in 1987 by a cartographer named Ben who was workeing on a steam powared coffie machene. He also invented Lunix and BeatOS witch I call "BEAT OFF" because anybody who uses BeesOff is about liek a retarded fisharman useing Betamax tapes to catch teh fish!!! hahahahahhahaha WHAT A ****TY MAN!!! hahahaha Anyway they created teh intarnet becuase he needed a way too comunicate with teh police each time somebody peed in his birdbath and his phone was used to telephone a smarmy man all teh time. SO he created a intarnet to call teh cops. It was an old fashioned device back then and he had to use a cereal port to connect to his Autocad and dabadase all a all of his indexes!! NOW WE DO THAT BY A AUTOMATIC PROGRAM SO HOW'S THAT FOR SUCCESS? TEH PROPHESY HAS BEEN FULFILLED AND WE ARE IN AN AGE OF SUPERNOVAS FOR SURE ANYWAY he would dial teh polices oriface by useing teh following cerial prot commands: AT&T ATX 102 DF8 ALS KOOKOOKOO POLICE ATX COM JUNEBUG 2029 ROBOTRON And then teh police would come over and arest any hoodlums in teh viscinity. Score a victorey for modarn man! TEh intarnet eventually evolved into a creatare that it is tooday with many wires and flag poles and an organizatianal ability of a folder filler. BUT BEFORE THEN WE all used modams to comunicate. there were no networks, there was just modams. All modams connected too each othar so to yuo could palay DuKE NUKAM 3D AND GET TEH SHRINK RAY MICORWAVE GUN!!! I shrank teh Pig Cop into a tiny hog and stepped on him and SAW A STRIPPAR!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA BUT WHERE SI TEH CURRANT DUKE NUCKAM GAME? I DONT KNOW, PROGRESS SI SLOWED DOWN BECAUSE MAYBE GOERGE BRUSSARD HAS SUCH FAT FINGARS THAT HE HITS TEH WRONG KEYS AND ALL TEH CODE COMES OUT LIKE: 10 HOME 20 GOGOGEJOP $) 25 PRETNIG: "HIELTOG A STRIPERER BAEBE!" 30 FUNHNUVCTRIYON MAEEKEKE MMMOREROER OONNNION RIINGS (SLOBEBR SLOEORBBBER) 31 AGUS$="AMOMOORE STRRIPPERAES" 40 GGOSSSUB 49u50 and taht si not correct code becayse why si he useing C++ when he could be useing BUSY-AS-USUAL BASIC? I dont know but I do know one thing for sure and taht si because thes si a straw man arguement if yuo ask me and just hurry up and maek teh stuped game yuo fagorts!!! and thats why teh intarnet si so stuped becuase insteads off makeing Duke Nuckman Forevar teh peopal at 3D Rooms are spending there tiem POUNDING QUARTARS INTO A BELLEY BUTTON OF A GLUTENOUS STRIPPAR ON SEX STAGES!!! get to work yuo bozos or else I'll fist yuor skull so hard yuor braines will be flying onto walls liek a chalk factory disastar. also Charlie Weedenhoffer lieks to look at naked baby pictares becuase his head si full of a carpet sample used during a modarn crime. THEN aftar we stopped useing cerial cabales, we started useing modam cords to connect. heres how a modam chord works: once yuo know how yuor Intarnet works then yuo can taek advanatage of its many tools such as WINNUKE and PING and LUNIX and AOL chartoooms. AOL si teh best ISP too use but DONT USE AOL BECUASE ITS FOR FAGOTS!!! JERRY uses AOL and his parants wont even let him watch HBO! So dont watch HBO or else it turns off yuor Lunix and then goodbye Linus Torvolvos! I use Platinum AOL which si liek AOL but si a exclusive club liek the NWA or BALACK PANTHERS. besides Mircosoft si bettar its intarnet ready and if yuo use lunix and want to cruise on the instrumation Suparhighway then yuo have too do all kinds of stuped sLunix crap liek: 1. INSTALL RED HATe LOOOOOOOOOONIX 2. RUN COMMAND E PROMPY CONMFIG SET -R -Q -SKF /DEV AAD -3827 3. CONNECT TO A PINGY BOX 4. SETUP A FIREWHALE 5. RUN FREEWARE CLIANT SUBJECT OF DISK IN "VOM LIBRARY CUSTOM" -x -d -er -f -ggr /hd -eu /ldk /wiw -99ie 6. delete evarything and install micorsoft Windows ME because good luck tryeing too do anything in Lunix because Lunix was built for peopal who weigh ovar 500 pounds and collact Star Warps toys and draw Lunix penguins all day because there job si customizing a TV remote control so teh 5 button makes it say "6". OOOOH GRATE JOB THERE FELLAHS I'M GLAD YUO SPEND ALL YUOR FREE TIEM WRITEING SOEMTHING NOBODY USES!!!!!!!! LIEK MAYBE A CERAMIC CARTOON CAT!!! WINDOWS ME si vary stabal and built too last and yuo can palay Corridore 7 on it UNLIEK Lunix. teh only game yuo can palay on Lunix is "catch teh monkey bannar ad." and post to newsgroups about how much yuo think chewbacka weighs and debate about who would win in a fight of "1010101011000101" versis "01010111010101010". THES MAN USES LUNIX! NOTE HE SI FAT AS A SLUMMY SLUG AND HE SMELLS LIEK A TRASH BIN Aftar yuor data gets too teh telephone poll, it puts yuor data into a phone call conversatian with grandma. So when yuo talk to yuor grandma you should say "hey Grandma, 101010101010110110101 " and that will speeds up teh data especially if she lives downhill from yuo. Then yuor data packets hit teh modam house were all teh machenes are kept and some foerign slobs work at. Then it goes to teh Data Protesting Machene where it decideds witch packets go to a school, which packets go to a porn sex site, and which ones go to Russia where there si nothing but a mysteryious fire there. AND SOME WHEAT!!! Then teh good packets go to an amplifiar which amplifies teh data to become biggar and traval farther to computers which are far away liek in teh ocean. For example it does this: NORMAL DATA: 10101010100101011010110010101010 AMPLAFIED DATA: 10101010100101011010110010101010 e=mc2 Now we see that thes procedare si crucial to intaractian with artificial intelligents. because it becomes biggar. Teh amplifiar sends teh new data to AOL which serves it up to all teh right places liek: 1. WWW.AOL.COM 2. WWW.BONZIBUDDEY.coom 3. MY HOEMPAGE (I WILL PUT TEH LINK TOO IT LATAR) 4. a ditch of data 5. JERRY'S CRUMMY COMPUTAR WHICH CAN ONLY PALAY 4D BOXING AND STUNTS 6. Yoohoo.net 7. space 8. A big man who sends mean messages back to yuo, his name si 4040 ERROR and hes just a junk nut guy who should avoide at ALL COTS!!! he will deny yuo bail. 9. DO NOT BECOME PREGNANT so that si how teh intarnet works. When yuo type in a webpaege name liek "WWWW.GHOSTPARTY.CON" thehn teh Modam House translates that too "1010100101012101110101020201019201910" and teh computar says "hmnnnm, let me send that to a govbernmint to make sure yuor not a terrortits" and teh govarnment checks too see if yuor a President or terrortits. they use Carnasaur for that. I MEAN BULBASAUR or soemthing. then its just a packet sending madhouse and evartything gets complecated unless yuor useing Lunix because yuore then still trying to figare out how to turn yuor computar machene on AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAH lunix si for peopal with beards and lice BUT MICROSFOT SUCKS TOO BILLS GATTS SI A MONONOPOLISH hahahaha, he was arretsted for being a monopolish man, taek that yuo crumb bum!!!1 THAT SI BILL GATTS and I used my waresed versian of Pohotosop to creates it. AND NO YUO CANT HAVE A COPY BECUASE I UNINSTALLED WINAMP!!!! so in conclusian that si how teh Intarnat works and if yuo dont believe me then go write a webpage for yuor dumb CHalk Factory websiet and try to proove me wrong. YUO CANT BECAUSE I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TEH END!!!!!! CHATPER TEH END!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danik XP Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 wtf? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicane-UK Veteran Posted April 10, 2002 Veteran Share Posted April 10, 2002 Er yeah.. thanks.. I am sure that most of us read Somethingawful (and JeffK) on a pretty regular basis. :ponder: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeza Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 i have no idea what any of that said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven P. Administrators Posted April 10, 2002 Administrators Share Posted April 10, 2002 I was going to reply but now I'm not gonna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessterw Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 LMAO :D That has got to be the most convaluted story I've ever read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StimpyX Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 Stop posting stuff from Steve Gibson's site... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grimlock Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 WTF? I know 'some thing awful' - that grammar and punctuation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mugs Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 you type well my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmuZombie Veteran Posted April 10, 2002 Veteran Share Posted April 10, 2002 I thought al gore invented the internet.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaxPayne1357 Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 To many spelling and grammer errors. I have difficulty just trying to understand what he is saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nail Posted April 10, 2002 Author Share Posted April 10, 2002 al gore did invent the internet in like the 60-70s i think i konw theres like a mistake every 0.3 words Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keldyn Posted April 10, 2002 Share Posted April 10, 2002 Ick ! The english in that is terrible. I just dont have the patience to read through it all... :s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaxoP Posted April 11, 2002 Share Posted April 11, 2002 LOL thats ****ing hilarious!! the point of the joke IS the bad grammer and punctuation - read the thing carefully and youll get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orphic Posted April 11, 2002 Share Posted April 11, 2002 Ummm, that pic on the site...near the top. Isn't that the guy from that TV show where dudes dressed up like women to live in a cheap apartment? I forget the name. It was old school 80's... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildliquid Posted April 11, 2002 Share Posted April 11, 2002 ok why did we need to know that and omg i thought i suked at grammer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fedr0 Posted April 11, 2002 Share Posted April 11, 2002 Originally posted by Keldyn Ick ! The english in that is terrible. I just dont have the patience to read through it all... :s I stopped after the third line, I think headache is coming... :s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted April 11, 2002 Share Posted April 11, 2002 Fedr0, you've butchered the picture in ur sig! Change it back to masturbation at once!! :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fedr0 Posted April 11, 2002 Share Posted April 11, 2002 Originally posted by Jon Fedr0, you've butchered the picture in ur sig! I know, but the original jpeg was compressed too much. Change it back to masturbation at once!! :p I can't, my wife would kill me... :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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