Official Windows Live Messenger Invitations Thread


Recommended Posts

should we do a head count....

Why? I've got one - how many do you have? :blink:

EDIT: It was a joke, I was saying I've got one head - not one invite. PLEASE - no more PMs. Sheesh

Edited by travelcard

agreed ... and so far .. no one has liked my attached joke :(

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

-----------------------------------

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

haha, thats a good one, wonder if that works.... :laugh:

Well, if nothing else this thread has been good for testing out the new Neowin servers! Seems like they're doing very well now. Haven't had anything slow down on me today really, nor have I had any time outs at all. Me is impressed :)

HAhahahahhaha tylerk, awesome. That one made me laugh heaps... gotta remember that.

haha, thats a good one, wonder if that works.... :laugh:

glad you guys like it :D, it gets quite boring waiting for the invites.. so i opened up my old collection of random txt files.. Heres another one .. the super man joke!

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting

and wanted to go out and party. He called Batman to ask

if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some young girls.

Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little

disappointed, Superman "SMS" Spiderman to see if he fancied a

few beers but Spiderman said he had a date with Cat woman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder woman?s apartment

to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he

saw Wonder woman naked on the bed with her legs open and

her eyes closed. Superman thought to himself, "So exotic, should

I or shouldn't I ..wait ..I'm faster than a speeding bullet! I can be in

there, have sex & out again before she knew what happened."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said, "What is going on?

Did you hear anything..........????"

Invisible-Man replied, "No! But....... my ASS hurts like hell!"

Well, if nothing else this thread has been good for testing out the new Neowin servers! Seems like they're doing very well now. Haven't had anything slow down on me today really, nor have I had any time outs at all. Me is impressed :)

it's pretty slow over here :s

glad you guys like it :D, it gets quite boring waiting for the invites.. so i opened up my old collection of random txt files.. Heres another one .. the super man joke!

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting

and wanted to go out and party. He called Batman to ask

if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some young girls.

Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little

disappointed, Superman "SMS" Spiderman to see if he fancied a

few beers but Spiderman said he had a date with Cat woman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder woman?s apartment

to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he

saw Wonder woman naked on the bed with her legs open and

her eyes closed. Superman thought to himself, "So exotic, should

I or shouldn't I ..wait ..I'm faster than a speeding bullet! I can be in

there, have sex & out again before she knew what happened."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said, "What is going on?

Did you hear anything..........????"

Invisible-Man replied, "No! But....... my ASS hurts like hell!"

ROTFL, amazing:laugh:h:

well technically the ppl who got invites from kderby should post theirs on the board...

QUOTING. C'mon people!:cry:y:

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Posts

    • I don't hate the new menus, I am not a fan of the lack of features and how they went live when they clearly are not complete. The menu itself presents much better than the previous - but what's lacking (IMO) is: 1) Any kind of automated manipulation such as: "this goes on the new menu because you use this feature more often on this filetype" "this is rarely used and will fall back to the old menu" 2) Any kind of user manipulation such as: "a UI to add/remove/order items to the new menu"
    • The biggest issue in this version of Win 11 context menu, from usability standpoint, is the movable row with basic commands. Think of a car analogy...if You turn the week left the infotainment screen will move right and vice versa. With how it works now Microsoft made something forbidden in designing in any UI, software or hardware. I can't grasp who were the morons within Microsoft suggesting it was a good idea and gave it a green light.
    • LibreOffice 26.2.4 by Razvan Serea LibreOffice is the free power-packed Open Source personal productivity suite for Windows, Macintosh and Linux, that gives you six feature-rich applications for all your document production and data processing needs: Writer, Calc, Impress, Draw, Math and Base. Support and documentation is free from our large, dedicated community of users, contributors and developers. You, too, can also get involved! Choosing Between LibreOffice Still and LibreOffice Fresh: LibreOffice Still is a good choice if you value stability, a longer support cycle, and a more conservative approach to software updates. It's suitable for businesses and organizations where reliability and compatibility are crucial. LibreOffice Fresh is ideal if you're an enthusiast or an early adopter who wants to stay on the cutting edge of LibreOffice development and is willing to accept more frequent updates and occasional minor issues. Features: Writer is the word processor inside LibreOffice. Use it for everything, from dashing off a quick letter to producing an entire book with tables of contents, embedded illustrations, bibliographies and diagrams. The while-you-type auto-completion, auto-formatting and automatic spelling checking make difficult tasks easy (but are easy to disable if you prefer). Writer is powerful enough to tackle desktop publishing tasks such as creating multi-column newsletters and brochures. The only limit is your imagination. Calc tames your numbers and helps with difficult decisions when you're weighing the alternatives. Analyze your data with Calc and then use it to present your final output. Charts and analysis tools help bring transparency to your conclusions. A fully-integrated help system makes easier work of entering complex formulas. Add data from external databases such as SQL or Oracle, then sort and filter them to produce statistical analyses. Use the graphing functions to display large number of 2D and 3D graphics from 13 categories, including line, area, bar, pie, X-Y, and net - with the dozens of variations available, you're sure to find one that suits your project. Impress is the fastest and easiest way to create effective multimedia presentations. Stunning animation and sensational special effects help you convince your audience. Create presentations that look even more professional than the standard presentations you commonly see at work. Get your collegues' and bosses' attention by creating something a little bit different. Draw lets you build diagrams and sketches from scratch. A picture is worth a thousand words, so why not try something simple with box and line diagrams? Or else go further and easily build dynamic 3D illustrations and special effects. It's as simple or as powerful as you want it to be. Base is the database front-end of the LibreOffice suite. With Base, you can seamlessly integrate into your existing database structures. Based on imported and linked tables and queries from MySQL, PostgreSQL or Microsoft Access and many other data sources, you can build powerful databases containing forms, reports, views and queries. Full integration is possible with the in-built HSQL database. Math is a simple equation editor that lets you lay-out and display your mathematical, chemical, electrical or scientific equations quickly in standard written notation. Even the most-complex calculations can be understandable when displayed correctly. E=mc2. LibreOffice also comes configured with a PDF file creator, meaning you can distribute documents that you're sure can be opened and read by users of almost any computing device or operating system. LibreOffice also comes configured with a PDF file creator, meaning you can distribute documents that you're sure can be opened and read by users of almost any computing device or operating system. Download: LibreOffice 64-bit | LibreOffice 32-bit ~300.0 MB (Open Source) View: LibreOffice Website | Screenshot | Release Notes Get alerted to all of our Software updates on Twitter at @NeowinSoftware
  • Recent Achievements

    • Week One Done
      I2D earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • Week One Done
      Dr Jared Dental Studio earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • Week One Done
      RG INVESTMENT GROUP earned a badge
      Week One Done
    • Very Popular
      The Norwegian Drone Pilot earned a badge
      Very Popular
    • Very Popular
      s0nic69 earned a badge
      Very Popular
  • Popular Contributors

    1. 1
      +primortal
      484
    2. 2
      PsYcHoKiLLa
      258
    3. 3
      Skyfrog
      84
    4. 4
      FloatingFatMan
      64
    5. 5
      Michael Scrip
      63
  • Tell a friend

    Love Neowin? Tell a friend!