[Joke] The Use of Computers in Movies

[-Himanshu-]

The Use of Computers in Movies

Word processors never display a caret.

You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

All monitors display inch-high letters.

The most relevant information is displayed in a separate windows right in the middle of the screen, but there's never an Ok button to other way to close it.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see Fortress).

All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read.

The really advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer. (See The Hunt For Red October or Alien)

All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.

Corollary: sending data to a modem/tape drive/printer faster than expected causes it to explode.

People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. (See the opening credits for The Hunt For Red October)

A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

Any PERMISSION DENIED error has an OVERRIDE function (see Demolition Man and countless others).

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems (especially the wireless ones they must be using when they're in the car) usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

When the power plant/missile-site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access them.

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms, including alien spacecraft.

The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because none of the buttons are labelled.

Most computers, no matter how small, are able to produce reality-defying three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics, with little or no detailed input from the user.

Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face (see Alien, 2001, Jurassic Park).

Either a Jacob's Ladder or a Van Der Graaf Generator is absolutely necessary for the operation of new, experimental computers (especially when built by brilliant scientists), although in real life, these devices do absolutely nothing.

One can issue any complex set of commands in a few keystokes (see Star Trek).

The internet connects to everything in the movies. You can edit credit records, search hotel registries, lookup police criminal files, search (and edit) drivers license databases, edit social security files and more just using the internet! (see The Net)

Smashing the VDU prevents the whole system from working (see Speed).

You can launch nuclear missles from any bedroom using an analog modem, but only if you know a single secret password (see War Games).

By Neowin Users

Macs have 97% market share. Microsoft Windows does not exist.

From Prison Break:

A magical device which can grab data off of any storage medium wirelessly. It can even grab data off of a SSD (solid state drive) which is stored in a safe... with no power connection. It copies all of the data in as little as a minute.

You can always zoom in more, as if you were using a telescope instead of a static image.

The more important the organization, the more animations it takes to make a window appear on the screen.

You can control camera and microphone of others.(Die Hard 4)

By knowing I.P. address, you know the name of person using the computer.

You create a virus which, on pressing Del, explodes the computer.

Edited November 29, 2009 by himanshu333

[Hot]

I've seen a similar list before and you forgot a vital point.

- Macs have 97% market share. Microsoft Windows does not exist.

Also, the blinking indicator that tells you your position in a text field is not called a cursor. It is a caret.

[-Himanshu-]

I've seen a similar list before and you forgot a vital point.

- Macs have 97% market share. Microsoft Windows does not exist.

Also, the blinking indicator that tells you your position in a text field is not called a cursor. It is a caret.

Thanks. Added to list. (Y)

[+Xinok Subscriber²]

From Prison Break:

A magical device which can grab data off of any storage medium wirelessly. It can even grab data off of a SSD (solid state drive) which is stored in a safe... with no power connection. It copies all of the data in as little as a minute.

I have no idea what soap opera it was, but I once heard them use the term "computer tapeworm". :p

[argonite]

You can always zoom in more, as if you were using a telescope instead of a static image.

The more important the organization, the more animations it takes to make a window appear on the screen.

[M_Lyons10]

LMAO It's as if they've never even used computers before... I like your addition Xinok... I've seen some ridiculous stuff like that in spy stuff too. It's so silly. LOL

[Kondrath]

You can always zoom in more, as if you were using a telescope instead of a static image.

The more important the organization, the more animations it takes to make a window appear on the screen.

LOL

[carmatic]

If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access them.

it doesnt? :dontgetit:

[Kerm]

@Kondrath - that is absolutely brilliant. Had me laughing my head off. So true.

[Kondrath]

@Kondrath - that is absolutely brilliant. Had me laughing my head off. So true.

:rofl:

I wish I could take credit, but I found it in the neowin funny pictures thread posted by another user... So funny. Lol.

[Snowl]

If you are looking for someone, a program has real-time access to where you are, what route you have taken.

[+Nik Louch Subscriber²]

When showing a schematic on screen it will automatically and randomly pan around the graphic wheter you want it to or not. Also, although this is a single graphic - there will be a flashing dot to indicate exactly the bit you need.

[-Himanshu-]

@Kondrath - that is absolutely brilliant. Had me laughing my head off. So true.

[The Gunslinger]

Lol...Good list.

Also, why is it that all the good guys use macs, and the bad guys use windows?

[+Nik Louch Subscriber²]

"It's a unix system... I know this!"

Film?

[NiallG]

"It's a unix system... I know this!"

Film?

Jurassic Park :p

[Lee G. Veteran]

@Kondrath - that is absolutely brilliant. Had me laughing my head off. So true.

+1

That is a very true list.

[Brandon]

Anyone notice they were using Windows 7 in the movie 2012 in the scene where Charlie shows them that flash video?

I got excited

[SkyDX]

Brilliant thread!

[bathisland]

:D :D :D :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:jump: :jump: :jump:

:bounce: :bounce:

[.Markus]

LOL

<snip>

hahaha awesome, that's CSI and some other crime dramas in a nutshell! :laugh:

[jbrunt1990]

A magical device which can grab data off of any storage medium wirelessly. It can even grab data off of a SSD (solid state drive) which is stored in a safe... with no power connection. It copies all of the data in as little as a minute.

That's the one thing that put me of season 4 of prison break. A device which can wirelessly get data off something that may not even have wifi. Amazing!

[DJ-Light]

Anyone notice they were using Windows 7 in the movie 2012 in the scene where Charlie shows them that flash video?

I got excited

I think was Vista, correct me if i am wrong, I not sure.

[dead.cell]

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms, including alien spacecraft.

Added for emphasis. Gotta love Independence Day for that.

[mokthraka]

you can control security cameras its really really easy as long as they are not secured. a quick google search will tell you how to.

its pretty fun to do