for or against spanking?

[leesmithg]

def for, spanking the gf is always fun

Here..Here!

Women are always up for a good spanking! :D

[TheNay]

It depends on the age of the child, and also what the kid has done wrong.

But some people go far and beat the crap outta their kid by spanking, thats wrong.

It's ok only to a degree.

But there's other ways of punishment better than a little pain ;) Take away their game consoles, computer, phone, tv, take off lock from bedroom door, and make them study or learn something, get them to do things around the house that they hate ;) I'm 22 and saying this.. lol.. my kids would hate me if I had any.

[Raum]

I don't see it as beneficial to the child.

I am strongly against the sentiment that a man should never lay a hand on his child. I don't condone child beating or anything of the sort, but I find the idea of getting sued for spanking your child outright stupid.

However, as a child I feel spanking never once positively influenced what my elders were trying to teach me. I tincreased my loathing for them and lowered my respect for them, their methods and their systems. I see it as contradictive to everything a parent wishes to happen when spanking is employed. This is why I feel it's a terrible way of "disciplining" a child, which I for one would not even consider it such.

I was spanked heavily by my father, smacked often by my mother and was spanked many times in school. In Oklahoma during the early 90's kids were still spanked with a wooden paddle...at least in my private school they were. Like I said, as a child I felt there were better ways of dealing with me being a brat. As a teenager looking back I feel the same way. When my father lost his composure and punched me in the face, it reminded me of times he lost his patience and started spanking me. It seems more like a cop out for the parent in my experiences than a practical and thought-out way of dealing with things.

It can do harm as well. Not the spanking itself so much, I'm not worried about that. My ass looks just fine, none of my bones were broken. What I'm getting at is it's easy to get a child to resent you for physical punishment. It also, in my case at least, takes their attention away from the point you're trying to make and has them focus on the fact that you're hitting them. The end result is additional anger and resentment towards you and less focus on the goal you're striving to have them reach. Pretty big failure in my eyes.

[metallithrax]

I'm not a parent myself, so I wouldn't like to comment on whether I think smacking should be allowed or not in general.

However I do think it shows a lack of something in the parent, when they simply smack their child instead of finding other ways to discipline them. It is a dominating and bullying behaviour to force the child to do what you want instead of actually teaching them why they should.

For me personally, I hope that I am never reduced to smacking my children if I have any. I have a great respect for my mother, who almost never smacked me and I guess I aspire to be like her when it comes to parenting.

So you want to be like your mother who "almost never smacked you". I was smacked as a kid if I did something wrong, and I have turned out to be a very decent person. The state of the young inthe UK nowadays, is down to lack of discipline in schools and homes. When I was young you knew if you did/said something wrong, you would be punished. At present, a school needs to get permission (from the parents) to put a child in detention. There is no cane or other punishment. The kids know that they can go to the Human Rights courts if they think they are badly done too. And these courts will agree with the kids (just like they do with the criminals).

Thisa been said, I do not agree with beating children to get them to behave, but I see nothing wrong with a slap on the top of the legs or on the arm.

[Raum]

Thrax, I agree there is a big lack of discipline. I just think there are better methods judging from my experiences growing up.

I was spanked and I turned out alright, but I don't think me being spanked contributed to me turning out alright. I still managed to turn out arrogant and spoiled.

[metallithrax]

Thrax, I agree there is a big lack of discipline. I just think there are better methods judging from my experiences growing up.

I was spanked and I turned out alright, but I don't think me being spanked contributed to me turning out alright. I still managed to turn out arrogant and spoiled.

There may be better ways Raum, but some kids just do not respond to anything. What do you do with them?

[Raum]

Well....

My best friend has a younger brother who's 7 and has severe ADD. hyper as hell and the biggest brat / ###### of a kid you'll meet.

His mom, who's extremely nice to all of us, will treat him well. Then when he starts acting up, she simply tells him no. If he doesn't listen, he gets smacked. That's her method. I've asked her about it and she said she's tried other things and it doesn't work. But these don't work either. I fail to see how smacking a kid into settling down is positively re-inforcing her message. I've talked to the kid himself and a lot of times he isn't even aware of what he's doing wrong or why he can't do something, just that he got hit for it or knows he's going to be hit.

I'd elaborate more, but I need to go eat then explore.

[Stokkolm]

Well, when I did something wrong as a kid my dad would always sit me down and talk to me about what I did. He made sure that I understood what I did wrong and then I got spanked for it afterwards.

By him talking to me I knew what I did was wrong, I understood what I did was wrong, and the spanking was so that if I was ever tempted again I would think twice about it. I think that is the right way to go about spanking your kids, not just flipping out on them for doing something wrong. They need to be told what they did wrong first and the parent needs to be sure that they understand what they did wrong before spanking them. It's a good punishment but also a good deterrent when used properly.

[theyarecomingforyou]

Yes. If I did anything seriously wrong as a kid then I knew I would get a smack... I always knew if I was doing wrong, it's not like it was unexpected or unexplained. It was always as a last result and I believe I have benefited as a person from having that threat to keep me in line. The government talks about restricting smacking but what's the point? They can already take kids into care if they are being abused, the only people it hurts are parents that are trying to do a good job. Without knowing that you could be punished for bad actions and having that threat kids would just believe that they have complete control and that is a bad thing - that is why I don't think it is healthy for single mums to bring up kids as there is no threat of any physical punishment... most women believe that simply telling a kid off will help and, whilst in some cases that will work, most cases it just leads to the children becoming rebellious and out of control. All kids try to push rebel to find out where the boundaries are - without them you have a trouble child.

[John S. Veteran]

Well, when I did something wrong as a kid my dad would always sit me down and talk to me about what I did. He made sure that I understood what I did wrong and then I got spanked for it afterwards.

By him talking to me I knew what I did was wrong, I understood what I did was wrong, and the spanking was so that if I was ever tempted again I would think twice about it. I think that is the right way to go about spanking your kids, not just flipping out on them for doing something wrong. They need to be told what they did wrong first and the parent needs to be sure that they understand what they did wrong before spanking them. It's a good punishment but also a good deterrent when used properly.

That is true discipline, with love, understanding, and reaching common ground with the child to let them know misbehaving isn't acceptable. That's the way we've raised our daughter, and at 13 it's been a couple of years since she's had a spanking.

[Raum]

Agrestis, spanking in your case seems to of been handled very well. This is why I am not one of those "Never lay a hand on your child" types, because it can be used in good fashions I feel. When it's used due to anger or a lack of patience however, it's another story.

[C]

I'm for educating them with the example. Against abusing them.

C?sar:))

[s0nic69]

Well, when I did something wrong as a kid my dad would always sit me down and talk to me about what I did. He made sure that I understood what I did wrong and then I got spanked for it afterwards.

By him talking to me I knew what I did was wrong, I understood what I did was wrong, and the spanking was so that if I was ever tempted again I would think twice about it. I think that is the right way to go about spanking your kids, not just flipping out on them for doing something wrong. They need to be told what they did wrong first and the parent needs to be sure that they understand what they did wrong before spanking them. It's a good punishment but also a good deterrent when used properly.

I am not a parent, i believe in spanking, i would get hit by the belt and stuff when i was little, and i hated it, and now that i am older, i still dont think that the belt is right, but a spank here, and a spank there for something like my kid is being a little brat, and stomping his/her feet, then i would spank them and tell them why like Agretis mentiones above. While growing up i hated getting hit for any little thing that i did wrong, sometimes i didnt even do it, and i would get hit. Being a parent is difficult, and time outs and taking away consoles, telephones, and being grounded should definetly be used, but i think spanking should be an option only if u are able to control yourself, and make sure that it doesnt become abuse. I say control urself because my dad would not hit me that often, but the times he did it was too harsh. I was never severly beaten or anywhere close to that, but now that i am older and look back, sometimes i did need a good hit, and i think my dad for that, but there were also times were the punnishment did not fit the crime.

[Fred Derf Veteran]

Don't you people read parenting books?

Spanking is so d?class?.

Since, if you spank your children, you probably don't know what d?class? means:

http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/d/d0076200.html

[u_diddy]

The vast majority of parenting books will tell you that spanking a child will cause more social problems down the line than it could ever possibly solve. Just about every parenting expert is against spanking and would tell you that there are plenty of discipline options that do not involve teaching the child that "might makes right" or that "violence solves problems".

Really though, it's a socio-economic thing.

Yes......perhaps that's why kids today are the way they are. Did you act the same way when you were a kid as kids act today?? What has changed other than parenting techniques (or lack thereof)? I'm sick of so-called "experts" with a million different views expressing a million different opinions (and make no mistake about it, they are simply opinions). People, in general, no longer use their own brains but rely all too often on the "experts" to tell them what's right and wrong. Jung once said you need only discipline your child (using force), 1 or 2 times before they understand what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't (obviously, this needs to be done at an early age and before the child is beyond the point of no return). It appears parents today want to be friends with their kids more than they want to parent them. Friendship comes later, after you've raised them to be well adjusted adults and until such a time, they aren't your friends, they are your children and need to be treated as such. If you can't control your anger, don't spank your children. If used as a form of discipline, it can be an excellent form of behaviour management.

[medium_pimpin]

a well-placed spanking can work wonders. I'm not talking about abuse or humiliation. I was spanked a few times as a child, each time very deserved. I wasn't humiliated, but I was taught that there are consequences for all actions.

[badnewz]

Yes......perhaps that's why kids today are the way they are. Did you act the same way when you were a kid as kids act today?? What has changed other than parenting techniques (or lack thereof)? I'm sick of so-called "experts" with a million different views expressing a million different opinions (and make no mistake about it, they are simply opinions). People, in general, no longer use their own brains but rely all too often on the "experts" to tell them what's right and wrong. Jung once said you need only discipline your child (using force), 1 or 2 times before they understand what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't (obviously, this needs to be done at an early age and before the child is beyond the point of no return). It appears parents today want to be friends with their kids more than they want to parent them. Friendship comes later, after you've raised them to be well adjusted adults and until such a time, they aren't your friends, they are your children and need to be treated as such. If you can't control your anger, don't spank your children. If used as a form of discipline, it can be an excellent form of behaviour management.

a very good reply and thank you for taking the time to show an insightful comment.

[Titanium_NX]

I am sorry but spanking is sometimes the only option. Verbal communication only goes so far. Kids sometimes need to be shown that for every action there is a reaction and the reaction sometimes isn’t great. I am glad I was spanked growing up because it set me on the right path. There are to many kids now an days that are over the top and they become out of hand as teens and young adults.

I'm very pro spanking

[Fred Derf Veteran]

Jung once said you need only discipline your child (using force), 1 or 2 times before they understand what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't (obviously, this needs to be done at an early age and before the child is beyond the point of no return).

Are you referring to Carl Jung who was born way back in 1875? I think the field has progressed since then.

Even Dr. Spock is rather old by today's standards compared to more contempary authors like Dr. Sears.

The City of Toronto has an educational campaign for those that still don't get it:

http://www.toronto.ca/health/children/discipline.htm

[u_diddy]

Are you referring to Carl Jung who was born way back in 1875? I think the field has progressed since then.

Even Dr. Spock is rather old by today's standards compared to more contempary authors like Dr. Sears.

The field has progressed?? That's debateable. Why do you think they still teach it? Just because he was born in 1875 doesn't make his theories any less relevant or applicable today.

[Barney T. Administrators]

Ok................

I've been reading all of these posts in this thread and I must say this:

1) It is NEVER right to hit your kid (yes spanking in any form is hitting).

2) If you feel that there is no other resort than to hit, you have lost your way as a parent........ you have lots of tools to help guide and nurture your child. Once you get to the point where you think hitting is your only resort, you've missed the boat somewhere earlier in the interactions with your kids. You are hitting because you've lost control of yourself and have no other way to express what you are trying to teach your children....

3) No spanking does not mean weak parenting. I set very firm limits, I am a strong disciplinarian, and I expect only the best from my kids. I do not spank them because it is much like any "circle of violence" that you hear about. You hit them, they hit their friends, they hit their children, and it goes on and on.

4) This world is so full of violence and anger today. I refuse to add to it by hitting at home. If I instill good decision making in my children, and correct them swiftly when they are wrong (with love and caring)...... explaining why it is wrong and providing measured and adequate restrictions (on toys, TV, or whatever), I can mark one up in the "win-win" column.

This method has given me 3 well mannered, non-violent, thoughtful children. They know what is right, what is wrong, and I have no trouble trusting in them to do the right thing... if I am present or not.

Barney

Edited May 15, 2006 by barneyt

[FunRoomSite]

I don't think they should be allowed to, if you look in my classes, the ones who get spanked are the bad ones, the ones who dont are the good ones. I dont get spanked and im not saying im an angel or anything, i just know when to stop and when ive gone to far, the kids who do get spanked dont know where to stop.

[The Laughing Man]

big difference between abuse and disciplining ur kids....its because of people thinking the way that u do that we have kids that are total asswipes and think they own the world.....didn't have many divas and pimps when my dad was growing up.....if u acted like an ass ur got smacked like one

Oh its because I choose not to hit my kids I'm the cause of all social problems with kids these days, get your facts straight

[Fred Derf Veteran]

The vast majority of Canadians are in support of making spanking illegal. Around here you would be shunned by the social elite if you ever mentioned that you spank your child. It would be like telling a racist joke. Completely unacceptable within the right circles.

Spanking was briefly made illegal until the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that it could be allowed under limited circumstances. While it was illegal many parents who spanked their kids in public found themselves talking to a police officer in short order.

Spanking creates violent societies. It teaches that violence does solve problems. That is the opposite message from what I wish to teach my child.

[The Laughing Man]

Ok................

I've been reading all of these posts in this thread and I must say this:

1) It is NEVER right to hit your kid (yes spanking in any form is hitting).

2) If you feel that there is no other resort than to hit, you have lost your way as a parent........ you have lots of tools to help guide and nurture your child. Once you get to the point where you think hitting is your only resort, you've missed the boat somewhere earlier in the interactions with your kids. You are hitting because you've lost control of yourself and have no other way to express what you are trying to teach your children....

3) No spanking does not mean weak parenting. I set very firm limits, I am a strong disciplinarian, and I expect only the best from my kids. I do not spank them because it is much like any "circle of violence" that you hear about. You hit them, they hit their friends, they hit their children, and it goes on and on.

4) This world is so full of violence and anger today. I refuse to add to it by hitting at home. If I instill good decision making in my children, and correct them swiftly when they are wrong (with love and caring)...... explaining why it is wrong and providing measured and adequate restrictions (on toys, TV, or whatever), I can mark one up in the "win-win" column.

This method has given me 3 well mannered, non-violent, thoughtful children. They know what is right, what is wrong, and I have no trouble trusting in them to do the right thing... if I am present or not.

Barney

Very well said :yes: