Massiveterra Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 perfect perfect perfect review by yahtzee http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/vie...n-Arkham-Asylum ATTN DIRTY LARRY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrunknMunky Veteran Posted September 16, 2009 Author Veteran Share Posted September 16, 2009 Lots of nitpicking over a perfectly good game. Not one of his best, at least terms of humour anyway. But that's because the game is so good he can barely pick on anything wrong with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Audioboxer Subscriber² Posted September 16, 2009 Subscriber² Share Posted September 16, 2009 perfect perfect perfect review by yahtzeehttp://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/vie...n-Arkham-Asylum ATTN DIRTY LARRY Low on laughs, but high on "woah nicely done" The Neowin kiddie police filter will probably censor half of this :p In the tumultuous time before D-DayThere once was a man named BJ With 'chocolate box' hair And a face like a bear And a jacket he picked up on eBay He was out one day murdering Germans As they tried to enact London's Burnin' He beat up some dudes And broke missile tubes So their boat got blown up - that'll learn 'em! But while there he made the discovery That the Nazis had powers like no otherey He brought back a bangle With some mystical angle To which the Allies responded, "OH BUGGERY" At the Secret Service Of Queen Lizzie BJ's bosses find themselves in a tizzy So they stand up and shout "BJ, SORT THIS ALL OUT WE'D DO IT OURSELVES, BUT WE'RE BUSY" So he's sent to a big german town Where some serious ****'s going down There's an active Resistance In need of assistance And everything's gone greyish brown It soon becomes clear that the city Has been invaded by occult committees Mystical preachers And slavering creatures And gymnasts with stonking great titties You may wonder if this is a sequel To some past Wolfenstein or a prequel Depicting our hero In a previous era When he wasn't looked upon as an equal It's actually meant to succeed Return To Castle Wolfenstein's lead Which is pretty damn slow Because that was eight years ago And the memories have gone stale indeed The new Wolfenstein seeks to enthrall With an ongoing high-octane brawl But it's a game about war That we've all seen before And that - just like the title - adds **** all Any pretence of freshness is gone At the very outset of stage one You escape your pursuers Via underground sewers So we start as we mean to go on Your gun is of course your best friend On which you must always depend When you get into fights You can look down the sights And bullets come out of the end Weapon choice doesn't start too exciting Two machine guns, a rifle for sniping But later on, BFGs Coming with guarantees To shoot various flavours of lightning There are soldiers all over the place Who can't take two shots to the face But before you pour scorn They always re-spawn At a pretty disquieting pace You don't need to worry about health If you're retarded and lousy at stealth Just get behind cover If you're in a bother And it'll all come back by itself It won't help you avoid the bum-rape Later on, when you get into scrapes With powerful blasters And big armoured ******* With weak-points the size of a grape To help out, you have on your side Magic spells - that's what crystals provide On the appropriate cue The world turns greenish blue So it looks like your monitor's died You can take down the big lads in minutes Start a fight with ten men and still win it Make your weapons divine Or just use Bullet Time (Which wasn't that great when Max Payne did it) But the powers are hard to sustain Your magic is too swiftly drained In the middle of a fight You'll end up in the **** And will suffer a whole world of pain And in between all of the shooting You also must think about looting 'Cause if you wanna upgrade Someone has to be paid And the shopkeepers don't like freebooting Why do all games need upgrading elements? Even ones where it isn't quite relevant It means all your big hitters Start off in the ****** And your aim is infirm and inelegant So when you've extinguished the danger You backtrack through all of the chambers Searching every last nook For cash and cheque-books Which you won't find much fun, I would wager It transpires that the in-game reality Has pretensions to non-linearity The game says, "ON YOUR BIKE! GO WHEREVER YOU LIKE! (AS LONG AS IT'S IN THIS PRINCIPALITY..)" But the freedom's a mere gilded cage That adds nothing to inspire or engage It just means beating feet Through the same boring streets Just to get to the next ****ing stage There's very little to do except hunt For secrets and money up front But the reward's pretty lame All the streets look the same And the bads keep respawning, the ***** It's not a totally asinine chore There are optional missions to score But I went out of my way And found to my dismay That in total there's only like four I guess the ultimate question is why Should I even bother to try? Every last NPC Fills me with apathy Am I expected to care when they die? I know what you're going to say: "YAHTZEE! YOU SLICK INTERNET PAPARAZZI SURELY IT'S ALWAYS FUN TO STICK THE BUTT OF A GUN UP THE ARSE OF A GOOSE-STEPPING NAZI?" Well if you like starting punch-ups in bars Or your head has been lodged up your arse Wolfenstein may give At least some joie de vivre But the wise don't bother. Two stars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrunknMunky Veteran Posted September 16, 2009 Author Veteran Share Posted September 16, 2009 Wolfenstein review ftw, burn every copy made!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Audioboxer Subscriber² Posted September 16, 2009 Subscriber² Share Posted September 16, 2009 Wait a minute, huge **** up :p It's because I watched both tonight, I forgot this was the batman thread hahaha. Well not really I just thought for some reason that song above was from the Batman review, when it's clearly not... ahhh I'm having an early night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrunknMunky Veteran Posted September 16, 2009 Author Veteran Share Posted September 16, 2009 Yeah I noticed nub :p But I'll take another opportunity to flame the game regardless :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Audioboxer Subscriber² Posted September 16, 2009 Subscriber² Share Posted September 16, 2009 Yeah I noticed nub :p But I'll take another opportunity to flame the game regardless :laugh: :laugh: And FTR my nicely done comment was aimed at Wolfenstein review, Batman review was quite meh, but as you said Yahtzee's at his best when the games he's reviewing are genuinely bad/mediocre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shakey Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 lol ", what do you expect from a guy who just runs around punching things or just spraying bat anti-thing spray then punching it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massiveterra Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Well, I enjoyed the yahtzee review in the fact that he enjoyed the game, but found the right humor to attack the character of batman himself rather than just the game...also it reminded me of DL's nit-pick..er...review Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
:: Lyon :: Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Just pre-ordered it on Steam :D Go Batman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curme Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I really liked the way Batman showed the wear and tear of the long night. A ripped cape, a slashed uniform, even a five o'clock shadow! Really, a great attention to detail. Those cats know how to make a great game. Plus, it was long! Or rather, a lot longer than a lot of console games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unrealistic Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 When I saw he was reviewing it, I was curious to how he would rip it apart. For my favorite game of 2009, I think he did a great job on the review. The game is just damn good, so it is hard to force yourself to find negative things. Now onto NFS: Shift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystical112 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Insane Night DLC should be out today right?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kralik Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Mine'll come in tomorrow's mail hopefully.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razorwing Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Where is teh dlc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acnpt Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Mine'll come in tomorrow's mail hopefully.. Mine too :) , thanks to lovefilm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystical112 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Where is teh dlc? seems live now on PSN... 116 MB download... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minifig Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 ARGH. I wish I had the money for this! :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victor Rambo Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 ^Sell one of your kidney to me and buy the damn game. :laugh: :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minifig Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Not sure my kidneys are worth that much Vic. :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G_0 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Some help needed if possible, My roommate has this for the 360 and mine is broke but played the game and enjoyed the heck out of it. I got it for the PC so I can play but what I really want to do is the challenge levels. Does anyone know if I can download a 100% save with all challenges unlocked? I've looked but come up empty. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimplySchizo Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Im torn between this and uncharted 2 atm. I already have MW:2 on reserve and am able to grab another title. Thing is, i missed the boat on the first Uncharted title, so i may be cheating myself by getting the second. should i just grab batman and call it a day? :D ...or wait and just get uncharted 2, even though i dont have the first? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyLarry Veteran Posted September 21, 2009 Veteran Share Posted September 21, 2009 Im torn between this and uncharted 2 atm. I already have MW:2 on reserve and am able to grab another title. Thing is, i missed the boat on the first Uncharted title, so i may be cheating myself by getting the second.should i just grab batman and call it a day? :D ...or wait and just get uncharted 2, even though i dont have the first? My vote goes for wait for Uncharted 2. One, I just think it will be the better of the two games. Two, Uncharted does have MP as well, so you will be getting a longer experience out of it for your money. And I have fully beat Batman, I definitely liked it, but I just feel Uncharted beats it out every so slightly, nevermind it looks like Uncharted 2 is shaping up to be much better than the first. That is just my opinion, and I know some members are going to come in saying they thought Uncharted sucked, but to them I say phooey. :laugh: And here is IGN's Video Review of Uncharted 2 to help make your decision. I am just watching it right now myself, so do not even know what they say yet... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimplySchizo Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My vote goes for wait for Uncharted 2. One, I just think it will be the better of the two games. Two, Uncharted does have MP as well, so you will be getting a longer experience out of it for your money. thanks for your insight. lol yea i've seen many reviews, too many times i think. Thing is, Im not too concerned with uncharted 2's mp cause in all honesty... mw:2 will be taking up all my mp time. so i guess it comes down to the sp aspect. im guessing the better game would be batman in my case? im afraid of cheating myself on a good story by not having the first uncharted to compliment the second. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyLarry Veteran Posted September 21, 2009 Veteran Share Posted September 21, 2009 thanks for your insight. lol yea i've seen many reviews, too many times i think. Thing is, Im not too concerned with uncharted 2's mp cause in all honesty... mw:2 will be taking up all my mp time. so i guess it comes down to the sp aspect.im guessing the better game would be batman in my case? im afraid of cheating myself on a good story by not having the first uncharted to compliment the second. Well only other thing I will add is keep in mind MP does not just mean Deathmatch, etc, with Uncharted 2, there is the CoOp Mode that lets you play with two other people in levels that compliment the SP campaign. Also with the story, this game takes place a year after the first one, so although it may make some more sense in regards to some of the people, I do not know if it is imperative to enjoy Uncharted 2's story. But sounds like you have your mind made up. Get Batman. It is a very good game. I just get the feeling Uncharted 2 is going to be a great game, so I personally think great is better than very good but if you have intentions of checking out Uncharted 2 later on down the road, then by all means get Batman now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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