Mom's 18-Point iPhone Rules for Son

[argonite]

I don't by any measure, what I do assume is that, for the most part, each parent knows more how their kids are then anyone else. If a parent feels the need to lay down ground rules for them to get a phone or anything else for that matter, then it's more then likely best for that kid. Some kids need more defined rules then others, some kids don't need any rules at all and some kids it wont matter what rules you lay out they'll do what they want regardless. Just because you think simple is best doesn't equate that for her and her kid.

I'm having a bit of difficulty imagining a situation where these rules are effective in any kind of parenting context, unless the child was already raised to obey a stringent and unncessarily tough home environment. Considering the control freak tendency apparent in the mother's rules, this is not entirely out of the question.

[mudslag]

Not really, religion is oft-touted as a moral code - a set of rules/guidance. A devout Christian may look to their faith / the Bible to provide such "education" for their child. (E.g. "You may have your iPhone but you must study the Bible app for 1 hour every day")

Are you going to answer the question though?

It doesn't matter what I would or wouldn't support when it comes to other parents and their kids in terms of religion, my view is meaningless, it only matters in terms of my kids and for that I answered that question in the rest of my post.

[HawkMan]

Pretty good rules for anyone with a smartphone. Except the porn rule.

And of course this particular audience wants to focus on the fact that she gave him an iPhone instead of what you have deemed as being the superior choice of a smartphone... gosh you guys, do you have to be oh so dramatic in every article?

Actuall, rue like the second or so person to mention it's an iPhone, and the others only mention it should be general about smart phones or that he should have just gotten a dumb phone. So no this audience didn't make it about that :)

[mudslag]

I'm having a bit of difficulty imagining a situation where these rules are effective in any kind of parenting context, unless the child was already raised to obey a stringent and unncessarily tough home environment. Considering the control freak tendency apparent in the mother's rules, this is not entirely out of the question.

Are you a parent? I ask because before I became a parent, I didn't understand half of the crap my friends that are parents did when it came to raising their kids. Each one did it differently. Now that I am a parent, I am constantly surrounded by other parents, I see how every single one of them deals with similar situations differently, sometimes vastly differently then the next. Many times even siblings are treated differently over similar situations.

My wife and I are night and day. She grew up as the good girl, never once got in trouble and never once needed to be more then suggested not to do something. She never would thought it was a good idea to send naked pics of herself, if cell phones even existed when she was a teenager. Me on the other hand, a week couldn't go by without me getting into trouble. No matter how many times I was told not to do something, Id find a way of messing it up. If I was a teenager now, I couldn't even describe the type of **** I would get myself into. I would be the type of kid that would need a very detailed list of rules while my wife on the other hand wouldn't need anything other then a stern look from her father. I can only hope my kids end up more like her then me.

[HawkMan]

Why do you assume one extreme of parenting is better than the other? Full control or none. It's a spectrum.

Her rules can be neatly summarized as:

- Respect your body

- Respect your peers

- Repsect your parents

- Respect your future

Or simply: Respect. Which needn't be "taught" through a list if you raise a child right. Micromanaging a child is a bad idea and will only teach them to be aware of specific actions in specific cases, without developing their own philosophy on life or knowing when respect should not be given.

Except he's 13. People here either don't have kids or haven't been around teens for a long time, or they are teens. Teens are rebellious little a holes, and it's the time of their life when they need most rules and guidance.

[Athernar]

It doesn't matter what I would or wouldn't support when it comes to other parents and their kids in terms of religion, my view is meaningless, it only matters in terms of my kids and for that I answered that question in the rest of my post.

It does matter.

It matters because you're advocating a extremist position - that of giving a child no freedom under restrictive "rules", because of a few idiots that have been reported in the media. If the parent knows best as you claim, then surely if they decide that religion is the way, you would again agree.

Billyea hit the nail on the head. Good parenting is a balanced approach, not absolute freedom nor absolute domination. The "problem" is the parents who set rules and don't enforce them, and make empty threats - not the ones who don't feel the need to control their child like a puppet.

[mudslag]

I know this is old and I know some of these are fake but after knowing some parents with older kids, many of these are right on the money with how they act.

[HawkMan]

It does matter.

It matters because you're advocating a extremist position - that of giving a child no freedom under restrictive "rules", because of a few idiots that have been reported in the media. If the parent knows best as you claim, then surely if they decide that religion is the way, you would again agree.

Billyea hit the nail on the head. Good parenting is a balanced approach, not absolute freedom nor absolute domination. The "problem" is the parents who set rules and don't enforce them, and make empty threats - not the ones who don't feel the need to control their child like a puppet.

Only and American can equalize those rules with "no freedom", and that probably, more so than the ridiculous gun laws demonstrate the problem with America toda.

[Athernar]

I know this is old and I know some of these are fake but after knowing some parents with older kids, many of these are right on the money with how they act.

"Stalin was an atheist so all atheists are evil"

^ Basically the level of "logic" you're demonstrating here.

Only and American can equalize those rules with "no freedom", and that probably, more so than the ridiculous gun laws demonstrate the problem with America toda.

Nice anti-American bigotry there Anders, but no, I'm not American.

[MtnDewCodeRedFreak]

Geesh - I didn't have this many rules when I was a teenager back in 1995 to 2001 (now I'm 30)!

[HawkMan]

Nice anti-American bigotry there Anders, but no, I'm not American.

So what's your excuse then. Let me guess you're a teen or early twenties.

[argonite]

Except he's 13. People here either don't have kids or haven't been around teens for a long time, or they are teens. Teens are rebellious little a holes, and it's the time of their life when they need most rules and guidance.

I do have quite a bit of experience with other teens, and I would like to respectfully disagree. Teenagers are exploratory by their nature and this is a time of their life where they need to be guided into creating their own sense of right and wrong.

This list is not guidance. This list is control, and ultimately utterly meaningless because it's so long and specific. It would make a teen zone out.

Too many parents are paranoid about what their children will be exposed to when they're teenagers. Drugs. Sex. Smoking. Bad crowd. Violence. And this is causing them to want to restrain their child. "Don't bring your phone to school" the parent pleads. "...Because I don't trust you to make friends that are worth talking to" the teenager adds-on with resentment.

Again, I'm not saying this isn't the "right" way to raise said child. I'm saying they raised the child improperly to begin with if this is even necessary, and they're scrambling to overcompensate and dote.

Only and American can equalize those rules with "no freedom", and that probably, more so than the ridiculous gun laws demonstrate the problem with America toda.

How did America end up in here? Every country has good and bad parents and good and bad national policies.

[Athernar]

So what's your excuse then. Let me guess you're a teen or early twenties.

Excuse for what? For not agreeing with a domineering control-freak mother whose actions are more than likely hampering her sons' ability to develop as a individual?

What's your excuse for spewing baseless anti-American bigotry? Oh right, Xbox Live signature, so you must be 13. (I can do this too!) :rolleyes:

[HawkMan]

A bringing a phone to school equals making friends... I think you got it backwards. And it's more to do with the fact that ever kid I see has a broken iPhone, and the place they break them is always at school because they have to show it off and play with it and crap like that instead of treating it like the expensive tool it is.

Excuse for what? For not agreeing with a domineering control-freak mother whose actions are more than likely hampering her sons' ability to develop as a individual?

What's your excuse for spewing baseless anti-American bigotry? Oh right, Xbox Live signature, so you must be 13. (I can do this too!) :rolleyes:

To bad she's none of the things you accuse her of.

[mudslag]

It does matter.

It matters because you're advocating a extremist position - that of giving a child no freedom under restrictive "rules", because of a few idiots that have been reported in the media. If the parent knows best as you claim, then surely if they decide that religion is the way, you would again agree.

Billyea hit the nail on the head. Good parenting is a balanced approach, not absolute freedom nor absolute domination. The "problem" is the parents who set rules and don't enforce them, and make empty threats - not the ones who don't feel the need to control their child like a puppet.

What exactly does religion have anything to do with this? Would you call it an extremist position to give your kids the keys to the car while laying down ground rules? Is it extremist to have rules about what time they have to be home and where they can play and who they hang out with? Giving a 13 yr old kid a expensive piece of hardware that can easily break, be lost or have stolen, with a set of rules, is far from extreme. Im going to guess and say you're not a parent and don't grasp that each kid is not only raised differently but some need more guiding then others. Sometimes that guiding needs to be harsher then how the next parent would handle the same situation.

This one tiny little blip of information about this parent and kid is no where near enough to make a judgement call on how balanced or not you think they are. For all you know this kid is the type that needs that extra bit of detailed rules in his life. So to sit here and make judgement calls on how extreme the mom is being with practically no info about this family at all is purely ignorant at best.

Any 13 yr old getting an iphone or any other high priced phone these days should be grateful for getting it alone, regardless of what ever rules come with it. Also do this, talk to people with kids, what ever preconceived notions you think it's will be like or how you'll be as a parent and how you think your kids will be, those notions will more then likely be flipped on it's head once you do actually become a parent.

[argonite]

Are you a parent? I ask because before I became a parent, I didn't understand half of the crap my friends that are parents did when it came to raising their kids. Each one did it differently. Now that I am a parent, I am constantly surrounded by other parents, I see how every single one of them deals with similar situations differently, sometimes vastly differently then the next. Many times even siblings are treated differently over similar situations.

I cannot continue with this specific response. Not because I don't want to talk with you. You seem reasonable.

However, I know how this conversation will turn out. "If you were a parent, you would understand" would be the end result, the antithesis to a proper discussion, and I can't change the way you feel about the experience of whoever you're talking to.

[Athernar]

To bad she's none of the things you accuse her of.

Truly convincing argument there. Your well reasoned counter-points showed me the error of my ways!

You should get her to adopt you, maybe she'd sort out that little bigotry problem you have there.

What exactly does religion have anything to do with this? Would you call it an extremist position to give your kids the keys to the car while laying down ground rules? Is it extremist to have rules about what time they have to be home and where they can play and who they hang out with? Giving a 13 yr old kid a expensive piece of hardware that can easily break, be lost or have stolen, with a set of rules, is far from extreme. Im going to guess and say you're not a parent and don't grasp that each kid is not only raised differently but some need more guiding then others. Sometimes that guiding needs to be harsher then how the next parent would handle the same situation.

This one tiny little blip of information about this parent and kid is no where near enough to make a judgement call on how balanced or not you think they are. For all you know this kid is the type that needs that extra bit of detailed rules in his life. So to sit here and make judgement calls on how extreme the mom is being with practically no info about this family at all is purely ignorant at best.

Any 13 yr old getting an iphone or any other high priced phone these days should be grateful for getting it alone, regardless of what ever rules come with it. Also do this, talk to people with kids, what ever preconceived notions you think it's will be like or how you'll be as a parent and how you think your kids will be, those notions will more then likely be flipped on it's head once you do actually become a parent.

Religion and teenagers is an existing problem as you yourself hinted at, add the morality aspect and it's actually a fitting counterpoint. In your case, giving a car to a minor would be illegal.

The problem is this mother is going overboard with rules and restrictions without giving the child any chance to prove himself responsible. (Despite the fact she herself attests to his character) Where was the responsibility of the mother in not giving the child a more reasonable, entry-level device? Why did she feel the need to lay it out in the form of a contract?

I'd wager making the kid work up the cash himself (While waiting with a dead device) to pay for any future phone repairs (to HIS phone) is alone, a far greater lesson in responsibility than any restrictive list of rules. And far more character building at that.

[mudslag]

"Stalin was an atheist so all atheists are evil"

^ Basically the level of "logic" you're demonstrating here.

How exactly does that even remotely make sense? Your reading comprehension skills suck.

[mudslag]

I cannot continue with this specific response. Not because I don't want to talk with you. You seem reasonable.

However, I know how this conversation will turn out. "If you were a parent, you would understand" would be the end result, the antithesis to a proper discussion, and I can't change the way you feel about the experience of whoever you're talking to.

Unfortunately when it comes to raising kids, you can't understand what it's like til you actually raise them. I say that because kids are not universal and neither is parenting styles. What works for one kid in no way equates that it will work for the next. It's like skydiving, there is no possible way to truly express what it's like and you can ONLY ever understand it by actually trying it.

[argonite]

Unfortunately when it comes to raising kids, you can't understand what it's like til you actually raise them. I say that because kids are not universal and neither is parenting styles. What works for one kid in no way equates that it will work for the next. It's like skydiving, there is no possible way to truly express what it's like and you can ONLY ever understand it by actually trying it.

I cannot change this belief, as it probably seems like the only thing that makes sense to you. I will not try.

[mudslag]

Excuse for what? For not agreeing with a domineering control-freak mother whose actions are more than likely hampering her sons' ability to develop as a individual?

In what possible way do those rules hamper her son's ability to develop as an individual. If anything a number of those rules incourage him not to be like most other 13 yr olds.

[argonite]

In what possible way do those rules hamper her son's ability to develop as an individual. If anything a number of those rules incourage him not to be like most other 13 yr olds.

I'm hearing quite a few generalizations of teenagers (he won't be like most other 13 years olds, teenagers are a holes, list of Twitter replies, etc) that go completely against the whole 'every child is different and should be treated differently' case I was hearing earlier. What I'm hearing is quite a bit of paranoia instead. "This is what a teenager does normally, right? Oh geez, I better make sure there's a rule for that!"

There is a lack of trust and it is unhealthy.

[mudslag]

I cannot change this belief, as it probably seems like the only thing that makes sense to you. I will not try.

You're right but the thing is Im relatively a new parent and understand why some of you think the way you do. Being a somewhat new parent I still find myself saying I can't believe I used to think X or I would be ok with this or I would do or act this way. Becoming a parent almost over night changed how I viewed things. I was even told that would happen and didn't believe it til it actually did. Because my views changed, I can also understand why this mom would act the way she did. I can't speak about how her kid acts, and neither can anyone else here, so to judge her over a simple list of rules over a cell phone seems not only childish but ignorant.

[Athernar]

How exactly does that even remotely make sense? Your reading comprehension skills suck.

I'd question how posting an image with a bunch of morons on it is relevant to a discussion about balanced vs extreme parenting. Your logic sucks.

In what possible way do those rules hamper her son's ability to develop as an individual. If anything a number of those rules incourage him not to be like most other 13 yr olds.

You answered your own question. The photography rule especially is an example of this.

[argonite]

Because my views changed, I can also understand why this mom would act the way she did. I can't speak about how her kid acts, and neither can anyone else here, so to judge her over a simple list of rules over a cell phone seems not only childish but ignorant.

I beleive that from the information given in the article and a few reasonable assumptions, we can safely conclude that something went wrong with the way this child was raised.

Let's start with a basic assumption, let's say that this child was not a total brat. This child is capable of making basic moral decisions and only needs guidance on major (ex drugs) or complex (ex relationships) issues.

Owning a phone would then require a few ground rules:

- If we call you, we need to talk to you. (this one's kind of obvious, but maybe it's their first time using a phone)

- A text conversation is not the same as a verbal conversation. Doesn't convey the same emotions and can lead to many misunderstandings.

- The internet is a dangerous place and we can't protect you there. Know who you can trust.

- Be mindful of your data and messaging.

There, guidance given. Wait, why are there 18 rules again?

Okay, maybe this child is a total brat and can't make his own judgement. Then the parent is still to blame. Either way, parent did wrong, and this inexhaustible list is just showing basic principles they couldn't trust their child to handle.