Mom's 18-Point iPhone Rules for Son

[mudslag]

I'm hearing quite a few generalizations of teenagers (he won't be like most other 13 years olds, teenagers are a holes, list of Twitter replies, etc) that go completely against the whole 'every child is different and should be treated differently' case I was hearing earlier. What I'm hearing is quite a bit of paranoia instead. "This is what a teenager does normally, right? Oh geez, I better make sure there's a rule for that!"

There is a lack of trust and it is unhealthy.

If there is one generation that can be generalized more then any other, my money is on teenagers. For anyone here knows, this kid is the typical teenage boy who, well the ones I grew up with and was like. Maybe he got in trouble a few times and this phone, something he wanted works out for both the kid and the mom. It gives the mom a chance to have instant contact with him when she feels it's needed and gives her a way to help him rebuild his trust with her. We're not talking about a 18 yr old but a 13 yr old. I can only use myself as an example but given what I know now and what I can do on a iphone currently with all that knowledge at my finger tips, if I was 13 again, I could get myself into a lot of trouble in this day and age.

I'd question how posting an image with a bunch of morons on it is relevant to a discussion about balanced vs extreme parenting. Your logic sucks.

I posted the image showing how childish and ignorant teenagers and young people can be and no I don't think all of them act that way. Clearly that understanding flew over your head.

You answered your own question. The photography rule especially is an example of this.

Now try to actually answer my question.

[mudslag]

I beleive that from the information given in the article and a few reasonable assumptions, we can safely conclude that something went wrong with the way this child was raised.

Let's start with a basic assumption, let's say that this child was not a total brat. This child is capable of making basic moral decisions and only needs guidance on major (ex drugs) or complex (ex relationships) issues.

Owning a phone would then require a few ground rules:

- If we call you, we need to talk to you. (this one's kind of obvious, but maybe it's their first time using a phone)

- A text conversation is not the same as a verbal conversation. Doesn't convey the same emotions and can lead to many misunderstandings.

- The internet is a dangerous place and we can't protect you there. Know who you can trust.

- Be mindful of your data and messaging.

There, guidance given. Wait, why are there 18 rules again?

Okay, maybe this child is a total brat and can't make his own judgement. Then the parent is still to blame. Either way, parent did wrong, and this inexhaustible list is just showing basic principles they couldn't trust their child to handle.

Why would you make the assumption that guidance for drugs and "relationships" are the only thing needed for him? What led you to that assumption? Nothing in the article or the video even remotely begins to dive into this families history in anyway. If you look at the list of rules, some of them are very basic and some are so basic that even the rest of us don't stop to think about them and take the time out for what the over all point she is trying to convey to him.

I haven't gone to a movie in the last year without someone having their phone go off.

Texting is becoming one of the fastest growing problems for teenagers and adults alike both while driving and just everyday problems.

Researchers from the University of Washington monitored 20 of Seattle?s busiest intersections and observed the following:

• Pedestrians who text are four times less likely to look before crossing the street, cross in crosswalks, or obey traffic signals.
  
• They also found that texting pedestrians take an average of two seconds longer to cross the street.
  

More and more people are finding themselves in hot water of something they text to someone else. Many of these people are adults, if adults can't remember simple things like this, what makes you think teenagers just starting out with a new phone are going to have better self restraint.

According to this stat teens send almost 3500 texts each month. Im not in school anymore but only a fool would think that a chunk of that wouldn't happen during school.

And a number of these others are so basic that the avg person can't do it without forcing themselves to. Like leave the house once in a while without it, unplug and another is just stop and smell the roses type rule. This mom laid out some basic rules that for most people they wouldn't give a second thought to and they aren't bad, most should be considered common sense but in this day and age many people have lost that. She didn't put in anything extreme and the others were just more for his benefit then anything else. Trying to keep him from becoming boxed in with this technology that so many people allow themselves to fall into. To many people these days feel naked or feel they can't be reached or might need to look up something up without their life line to the world. It's one of the reasons Im glad I don't have a cell phone anymore. Ill take my wife's sometimes when I feel I have to have it but sometimes I try to leave it behind.

I know to many adults that would have a hard time following those on their own, I see no reason why it's somehow bad that a 13 yr old kid is asked to. Personally I think more people should be open to a number of those anyway.

[Nashy]

None of you would give it back, because none of you are a 13 year old who wants an iPhone, so get of your high horse and stop being a bunch of douches.

[Ghost5525]

I don't really see how this woman is doing anything wrong. She has set up rules for her son to follow for this iPhone she got him. If he manages to respect the rules she wont be surprised by some 3000 dollar bill for thousands of texts or overages on data. Plus it teaches the kid to responsibility, that phone isn't a right its a privilege. I would probably do the same for my own kids.

[ichi]

I wouldn't have set the same rules (or maybe worded some in a different way) but as a whole the list looks perfectly fine.

To begin with, even if you don't agree with parents controlling the kids' use of smartphones, that woman isn't just giving the kid a phone: she'll also be paying all the bills. She has every right to set any rules she wants on it's usage, in the same way she has every right to set rules on behaviour for any person living in her house.

The way I see it she just doesn't want her son's life to start revolving around the smartphone, so she'll only let him use it as an extra communication tool and not the center of all his social life.

If the kid doesn't agree with those rules then the solution is simple: grow up, get a job, buy your own smartphone and foot your own bills. Exactly the same kind of solution that applies for any other house rules.

having that phone at school is a good idea becuase if you got an abusive teacher you can record it and save yourself. I've had that happen a ton of times where I wish I had recorded the crap becuase I would have helped 2 friends as well as myself.

More often than not it's kids who abuse other kids at school, shoot videos of that and post them somewhere like Youtube. Stuff like that looks far too funny for many teenagers to even consider that they might be ruining someone else's life.

If my stepson had any problem at school he could just tell us, he knows we'd look into it and help him if needed. He has absolutely no need to bring a smartphone to school, his communication needs are covered: we can phone the school to contact him and he can get the school to contact us if there's any problem.

Teachers have enough work already getting kids interested in class without facebook, texting, whatsapp, games, etc...

[HawkMan]

Just because he knows what rules to follow doesn't mean the rules shouldn't be defined for him

[remixedcat]

My teachers were abusive to me and my friends....

[ozgeek]

He should be glad that he has an iphone at all while many of his peers has cheapo phones or no phones at all. When I was his age, I did not had a phone. I first got my mobile when I was 20.

These rules are basically common sense to teach him that having a phone that doesn't belong to him is a prevelidge, not a right. iPhones are expensive (with the low-end version setting at $600 and up), I would do the same to my kids.

[-T- Member]

When my kids are old enough for a smart-phone, there will be similar constraints on usage until they're at an age to purchase their own. Some kids are just so spoiled today it's unbelievable

[The_Decryptor Veteran]

So you're going to stop them using Google or listening to popular music too?

[ichi]

My teachers were abusive to me and my friends....

Cases of abuse should be dealt with without needing to have kids shooting videos around in school.

I don't think you'd feel comfortable if you had a CCTV camera in your classroom pointing at you all the time, or if your teacher was recording you with his phone whenever he considered that you were misbehaving.

[HawkMan]

So you're going to stop them using Google or listening to popular music too?

huh...

[n_K]

I know this is old and I know some of these are fake but after knowing some parents with older kids, many of these are right on the money with how they act.

HAHA, WOW!

A bunch of kids that should be told to get jobs or STFU.

Am I seriously the only person that expects nothing at christmas and hopes to one day, GET nothing?

[The_Decryptor Veteran]

huh...

Rules 15 and 17, there's a whole lot more to the list than "Look after the phone" and "Don't be stupid with it"

[HawkMan]

Rules 15 and 17, there's a whole lot more to the list than "Look after the phone" and "Don't be stupid with it"

Rules 15 doesn't state to not listen to popular music, but to also listen to something else, it also doesn't say he "has" to. rules 17 also doesn't say not to use, google, just to not let the phone stop him from actually experiencing the world.

And look at teens with their phones, 17 is important, you'll see early teen kids with their head constantly on the phone/tablet/laptop screen without break.

[ichi]

HAHA, WOW!

A bunch of kids that should be told to get jobs or STFU.

Am I seriously the only person that expects nothing at christmas and hopes to one day, GET nothing?

Thing is, the more stuff kids (or anyone else, but we're talking about kids here) get with no effort or attached conditions the more they become ungrateful pricks.

And kids usually get a lot of stuff these days. It easy to see how lots of them take it all for granted and grow a sense of entitlement.

[moloko]

Some of the rules make sense for the age he is but why she so controling? I let my son play his tablet as much as he wants as long as his school work is done and his chores done too. He puts it away after a while and plays with his sister too. No need to be so controling.

[Jason S. Global Moderator]

:sleep:

[techbeck]

Some of the rules make sense for the age he is but why she so controling? I let my son play his tablet as much as he wants as long as his school work is done and his chores done too. He puts it away after a while and plays with his sister too. No need to be so controling.

Because that is how parenting used to be. Now a ton of parents let the computer/tv/games parent/occupy their kids. Parents, a lot of parents, are just either to busy or selfish to actually be parents. Back when I was in school you NEVER heard of any of the shootings that you do now. They just didnt happen or happen nearly as often as they do now. Kids also have all of these disctractions in their rooms as well. So they can be on hte PC/TV or playing games with no one telling them right from wrong.

So I applaud the mother for doing this. After all, she did pay for it and like everyone buying an Apple products (or any products) their are terms/conditions needed to be followed. Mom is just adding an extra set of rules taylored to her kid. And good for her...kid may not like it now, but later on in life he/she will be thanking her.

[Guest]

I see some potential conflict between point 3 and point 11.

Point 13 is a bit dumb in my opinion. Recording your experiences and looking back in years past is very fun and can give you a nostalgic feeling that will be lost in time.

[GreenMartian]

So I applaud the mother for doing this. After all, she did pay for it.

This.

He was "begging" for a phone. If he wants a phone with no strings attached, he's free to buy one with his own money.

She's just preparing the little guy for the real world.

Want to get paid when you work? Sign the bloody workplace agreement.

Want the bank to lend you some money? Try telling the bank to shove the legal terms up their whatever, and see how much you get..

[mattm591]

I see some potential conflict between point 3 and point 11.

Point 13 is a bit dumb in my opinion. Recording your experiences and looking back in years past is very fun and can give you a nostalgic feeling that will be lost in time.

Agreed. Whilst generally I think the rules are a good idea, I see no need to encourage the child not to want to capture their life.

However, perhaps her intent is to prevent another habit that I do find particularly annoying (and is done by both young and old). When you're at some sort of event, perhaps a gig, and you get people who stand and film the entire thing never actually looking at it themselves, just at their camera. Similarly, people who visit somewhere (I witnessed this at the Louvre) and simply go through the entire venue taking pictures of what's on display, again never looking at anything they are seeing.

[moloko]

Because that is how parenting used to be. Now a ton of parents let the computer/tv/games parent/occupy their kids. Parents, a lot of parents, are just either to busy or selfish to actually be parents. Back when I was in school you NEVER heard of any of the shootings that you do now. They just didnt happen or happen nearly as often as they do now. Kids also have all of these disctractions in their rooms as well. So they can be on hte PC/TV or playing games with no one telling them right from wrong.

So I applaud the mother for doing this. After all, she did pay for it and like everyone buying an Apple products (or any products) their are terms/conditions needed to be followed. Mom is just adding an extra set of rules taylored to her kid. And good for her...kid may not like it now, but later on in life he/she will be thanking her.

I agree with you. For her it works. I will put down rules too for my son when he gets a phone. Just like I put rules for his tablet. She has 5 kids so that is different than raising 1 or 2.

[M_Lyons10]

While I agree there should be ground rules for a 13 year old with a cell phone, this isn't going to end well in the next 5 years for this family. This lady obviously has some control complex and perception issues of herself. As this kid matures he is going to start to want to stretch his wings like a normal kid, not even beyond what a normal kid does, just what a normal kid does without going past the line and his mom is going to clamp down on him and he is going to rebel. This will lead to some very bad choices and situations for this kid.

I agree entirely. Though rules are necessary, I think this list shows more about her issues than anyone's...

[c.grz]

I'll put this as plain and simple as can be. Children need rules; even at 13.

I looked at the list and found nothing "controlling" in that list. If the child feels that he's getting a raw deal; he can decline the phone and be done with it.

My 4 year old kids are doing a lot more than I ever did at their age; mostly due to technology so I'm dealing with things my parents never did. I have nothing to refer back to so I'm making the rules as we go along. My rules and I'm guessing this moms rules are subject to change as the people the rules are meant for change as well.