NeoBytes :) Introducing the Windows 95 Phone from Nokia

NeoBytes :) is an occasional feature that takes a step back from the big headlines, to take a look at what else is happening in the vast, scary expanse of the tech world - often with a cynical eye, always with a dose of humour.

Earlier today, Nokia revealed its financial statements for the third quarter of this year, and there was plenty for the company to be pleased about. Revenues were up to $7.8bn, profits were up to $162m and sales of its Lumia range jumped too - up to 8.8m, from 7.4m during the previous quarter. 

It was much-needed validation of Nokia's Windows Phone strategy, which hasn't exactly been a runaway success so far, and sets the stage nicely for Microsoft's takeover of the company's devices business, which is due to be completed next year. 

But as Nokia's time in the handset industry draws to a close, it could always have one last throw of the dice to merge its past glories and present strengths into an exciting/horrifying new abomination, as one YouTube video suggests. 

The video introduces us to "Rony Dive", vice-president for design at Nokia, apparently, who explains: 

We here at Nokia partnered with Microsoft to build the Windows Phone. With a clean design, solid hardware and usability, we believed we would attract hip, young, savvy consumers. Boy, were we wrong - we couldn't give these damned things away. So we decided to start over - first by trying desperately to switch to Android... but then Microsoft bought us." 

So if they couldn't conquer the world with the original Windows Phone plan, and they couldn't switch to Android, what's the next best thing? Why, an unholy fusion of modern Nokia hardware with the Windows of old, of course. Rony Dive explains that the device "features a fully functioning replica of Windows 95, and you remember how great that was... Please say you do." 

You really need to watch the video to embrace the full horror of the handset itself - although if such a device were ever to break free from the confines of parody video and into the real world, it would at least please a few die-hard tech-heads desperate to see the return of the old-school Start menu. 

Source: YouTube

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